


Inked

by 1Derstanding



Series: The Inked Series [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Ink, Later on Liam gets hurt but it's no big deal because I hate writing big conflicts, M/M, Mentions of past self-harm and depression but not much because I didn't want to, Not-so-famous Liam, Solo Artist Liam, Tattoo-artist Zayn, Tattoos, The beginning isn't as good as the rest because I got better at writing as time went on, prewritten because I put it on wattpad first
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-12
Updated: 2014-03-30
Packaged: 2018-01-15 10:50:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 41,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1302163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1Derstanding/pseuds/1Derstanding
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Liam goes in to the tattoo shop wanting a screw tattoo, but comes out screwed. He can't let that be over. Zayn was perfect and Liam needs to find a way to see him again. Liam knows what he has to do to see that perfectly-chiseled, raven-haired boy again, even if that means getting completely inked. Is it worth all the pain to see the guy with the tattoo gun? Or will Liam be left with a bunch of pretty pictures reminding him of the times he'd really like to forget?</p><p>Or </p><p>The one where Liam gets his first tattoo and has a crush on the tattoo artist so he comes back every couple of weeks to get another tattoo.</p><p>Or</p><p>The one where Liam falls deeper in love with Zayn as they meet more often and his tattoos start having symbolic meanings of their relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Screwed

**Author's Note:**

> I originally wrote this on Wattpad because a friend of mine requested it. It's complete but I won't post it all at once because lazy. If you want you can read it completely on Wattpad:
> 
> http://www.wattpad.com/story/9904686-inked
> 
> But other than that, I'll be posting one chapter at a time.
> 
> Bear with me for the first chapter or so, it's been months since I wrote that and it shows. My writing gets better... I think.

Chapter 1:

 

I place my hand on the door to the shop a bit unsure about everything although I've thought about this for a long time. It's not the pain that throws me off, I think I can handle it. It's really the finished product left forever more etched in my skin. But it's not that big, and easily hidden, and I'm already here. So I push the door open and a bell goes off above my head. The cluttered shop is empty but as I turned to leave deciding it wasn't meant to be I hear footsteps from the back room. The guy that joins me looks about my age, but dresses in dark colors to match his raven-hair which is styled into a quite tall quiff.

"Sorry, my receptionist went on lunch 2 hours ago and never came back because she knows I'm not going to fire her." He takes the seat behind the flowery, pink decorated desk where he looks completely out of place. Although he does seem to fit perfectly in a tattoo shop. His sleeve is covered in tattoos and his dark eyes and black quiff give off a shy and mysterious presence. He has long eyelashes and the prettiest cheekbones I've ever seen on a guy. I get lost in the moment watching his perfect lips curve around his words, I suddenly get jealous of this receptionist that gets to work for this guy, making my own spill out of my mouth.

"What, are you like dating her or something?" I blurt out quickly regretting even existing near this clearly perfect being.

"No she's my little sister." He just barely smiles, clicking some stuff on the computer, I smile awkwardly. "So do you have an appointment or are you a walk in?"

"I have an appointment." I bite my lip nervously. "My name is Liam Payne." 

"Your name is Payne?" His laugh is perfect and I look down to make sure my feet haven't melted. "Perfect for a tattoo then."

"Yeah, what's yours?" I blush.

"Malik." He points to the print on the front of the door which is backwards from inside. From the outside it reads 'Kilam Nyaz Tattoos', the name of the shop. 

"The name of your shop is your name backwards! Your name is Zayn!"

"Yeah, what did you think?"

"I thought it was thug for 'kill them, Nyaz'" I confess, my cheeks heating up. "I thought your name was Nyaz..." Zayn burst into laughter. 

"Seriously? What is someone as adorable as you doing at a tattoo shop named after a murderous thug then?" Zayn chuckled standing up and leading me to the back room which is plastered with drawings and there are various stations for tattooing. I blush at the word adorable. 

"Well this is my first time," I shrug, "I think I'll get more though." Especially if you're the artist.

"Whoa there, let's not go crazy, you might regret getting a bunch of tattoos one day!" I detect a hint of sarcasm in Zayn's voice.

"I'll bet you hear that a lot." I run my fingers along my recently shaved head.

"Yeah, I always laugh when people tell my I'm going to regret my tattoos when I'm older. Yeah, when my health is deteriorating and I'm struggling to get around the first thought I'll have will be, 'I really wish I didn't have all these tattoos reminding me of the good old days.' Right." Zayn laughs. 

"Right," I agree, how can he be this perfect, who is this perfect? "are these your drawings?" I ask in awe, looking at the walls.

"Yeah most of'em." He takes a seat at one of the stations and waits for me to join him. 

"You're really good!" I say taking the bench in front of him, it reminds me of a dentist chair, which comforts me because I've never had a bad experience at the dentist's.

"Thanks, for your sake I'd hope so." He chuckles. "So what did you have in mind?"

"I wanna screw." I say innocently-minded enough.

He blushes. "Are you always so forward?"

"What?" When it sets in I struggle to dig myself out, "No! I didn't mean-"

"I know, I'm joking." He chuckles and grabs a pad of paper and starts sketching a screw as I blush. "Black and white?" He asks and I nod. Within a minute he's done and offering it to me. "What do you think?" 

"It's brilliant!" I smile, though I'm a little worried about the actuality of having a tattoo.

"Cool, so do you want me to do a stencil, or can I free-hand it?" Zayn meets my eyes and I feel reassured.

"I trust your ability, free-hand it." I smile and he smirks grabbing a pair of latex gloves and I tense up a bit.

"Hey, don't worry, just focus on breathing." He smiles comfortingly and rests his hand on my shoulder, rubbing it a bit softly. I instantly relax under his touch. I nod and lay back on the chair. "So where do you want it?" He asks organizing his station.

"My ankle, right here." I gesture where I want it, "about this big." drawing a small square in my skin with my finger.

"Right, so do you want to listen to some music to keep you distracted?" Zayn offers grabbing his ink. 

"No... It's fine, just... Could you just... keep talking?" I ask hoping to not sound creepy, but oddly enough, his voice is more comforting than any song I know.

"Yeah, 'course," he smiles at me, "so what's the screw for?" He asks and I close my eyes when I see him grab the needle gun.

"Well... A while back I had a bit of a..." I struggle to find the right words, "downfall, and my life was like a downward spiral..." I try to keep the nerves out of my voice but it cracks when I hear the soft buzz of the needle.

"What happened?" He asks softly resting his hand on my thigh to hold me steady, my breath hitches at his touch and I remind myself to breath. He runs his thumb back and forth to relax my tensed-tensed up muscles and I pray he stops soon because things are about to get weird if he continues. I force my self to relax and sure enough, he no longer feels the need to caress me with his thumb, though I kind of miss the feeling...

"Umm, I hadn't bit of an existential crisis..." I chuckle though I know it sounds fake. "I had panic attacks and became really depressed. I started to, um, self-harm because it was the only thing I could figure out how to do. I suddenly had all this freedom that I didn't know what to with... I had control over my own life, so I did something I knew I couldn't mess up. It was pathetic... I was lost, and confused, I was finding out what life really was which was crazy for someone who always has their face glued to textbooks. But when I had the choice to do whatever I... I don't know... It was the first test I was too terrified to take... I was screwed."

"I know what that's like..." I hear Zayn takes in a breath, "a few years ago, I didn't know what I was going to do. I didn't know how I was going to make a living when the only thing I'm any good at is art, and I couldn't handle the pressure. There are so many choices in this world, how do you know you're going to make the right ones? If I wanted, I could literally just walk out that door and go rob a bank! One decision and my entire life would change forever... Funnily enough I went to get a tattoo, to show that I could make choices that wouldn't put me in jail," he chuckles half-heartedly, "and kind of got addicted... It was like self harm, except instead of an ugly scar that's left behind, you're left with a pretty picture when your done. Then it occurred to me that I could make a living with tattoos, and everything changed for the better." 

"Wow... I never thought of tattoos as a form of self-harm..." I say curiously, "you could not have chosen a better career, though." I offer.

"Thank you," he chuckles, "that actually means a lot." I hear him smile and open my eyes to see him looking at me. "I don't usually tell people this stuff... So I'm feeling a bit vulnerable..." He admits.

"No problem." I say genuinely. "Don't worry, vulnerability won't ruin your life either. Not with me anyway." I offer and he accepts it with a nod.

"So what do you do?" He asks me as I close my eyes again. 

"I write music." I mutter hoping he won't hear... I'm kind of shy when it comes to my music, then again we were getting pretty intimate so really what do I have to worry about?

"That's really cool." Zayn says reassuringly, "Be the person that you want to be." He clearly sensed I was insecure. "I mean, music is art, too, right? I bet," he smiles, "that you're really good." 

"Thanks." I accept the compliment but frown when I feel his hand leave my knee as he grabs a white cloth from the desk behind him and turns back to me. 

"Well," he makes a clicking noise with only part of his mouth open, the other part in a disappointed frown, "once I wipe it down it will be done and you can see it."

"We're done? I didn't know you started!" I say almost proudly. 

"Yep, I tried to keep you distracted," he smirks, "which was surprisingly rather easy." 

"Well," I blush, "I'm impressed, that didn't take very long." I almost frown when I realize that I'll have to leave soon, but I don't want him to notice.

"It would've gone a lot faster but I did everything in my power to make it go slowly," he chuckles, but stops suddenly when what he said sets in. "I mean-" he stutters on his words.

"Yeah thanks," I interrupt, "I know you were just trying to go easy on me and my low pain tolerance." I offer, seeing him struggle. "Maybe I should change my name, not sure I can handle the pressure. So definitely not Kilam either than?" I joke

"Yeah!" He accepts the excuse though we both know it' say lie and laughing at the joke. His tongue sticks out of his gleaming white teeth as he laughs, nodding his head in a bobbing motion as he wipes the ink on my arm. The dark scruff on his perfectly chiseled jaw adds on to the mysterious effect but now that I've heard his laugh I know he's way more fun than he'd like people to know. It makes me happy that he's letting me see these parts of him. He cleans the new tattoo off and takes off his gloves, handing me a mirror to look at my ankle more easily.

"So Liam, do you like what you see?" He asks turning to throw the gloves in the bin. I can't help but smile at how he says 'like' with his Bradford accent.

"Yeah," I say knowing he won't know I'm looking right at him, "I really do..." Flickering my eyes back to the mirror as he turns around smiling. 

"Good, I'm glad," he stands up and I do the same, "ink suits you well." I blush. "And if you ever want another tattoo, make sure you come see me." Zayn says putting out a hand for me to shake.

"Definitely." I smile while shaking his hand. I've only known this guy for half an hour but we already get on really well. And although this is all so new, I know one thing. There's no way I'm letting this be goodbye.


	2. Only Time Will Tell...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> People make game plans to find love... Liam freaks out about gummy bears... Zayn gives Liam a new tattoo... and new nicknames are created ;)

Chapter 2:

 

I find myself just staring at it for long lengths of time. It reminds me of his touch, his voice, his laugh, him. I can't get over how real it looks. Granted it is real. But that's the thing isn't it? It's real. It's proof that it all actually happened. That he actually happened. I wonder what he's doing right now. Is he giving another tattoo? Is he telling them the same story he told me? I'm suddenly very jealous of this imaginary person I created in my head. Does he tell everyone about his tattoos? No. He said he doesn't usually tell people. I'm an exeption. I smile and run my fingers softly over the 2-week-old tattoo. 

"Liam!" Eleanor brings my attention back to her. 

"Sorry what?" I roll my jeans back down over the screw. 

"Seriously? You didn't hear any of that?" she pouts.

"I'm sorry El, what's up?" I take a seat next to her on the couch and turn to give her my full attention.

"Nevermind, why don't you just ask him out?" she huffs.

"I can't do that! I've known him for 20 minutes! I need to figure out how to spend more time with him...He might not even be gay!" I sigh in fustration. "I'm thinking about getting another tattoo..." I whisper in fear of her response.

"I could go with you?" she offers, much to my surprise. "I could see if he's gay for you."

"Yeah?" I ask wondering what she has in mind.

"Yeah, I could go in with you and we'll see if he hits on me. Or if he pays more attention to me than you." she says.

"Hmmm... yeah alright. Wait... what should I get?"

"I don't know... we could go in and look at his drawings until you find something, that will give you even more time with him." She smiles proudly. Eleanor has always been really helpful. I've known her since primary school. Back then she was much more shy, but she always had an interest in acting. In secondary school, when I was still in the closet, she pretended to be my girlfriend so I wouldn't get bullied as badly. I had taken up boxing already, but she didn't like to see me come home covered in bruises so she volunteered because she wasn't out of the closet either.

"Yeah alright..." I nod. 

"Alright now that we got that settled," Eleanor fixes her hair in front of her shoulders and stands up, "we, are going, to the mall." She smiles, pulling my arm along with her. 

"Wait, why?" I ask as she throws my shoes at me.

"I really want to go shopping!" she shrugs and I know she's lying. She's a good actress, but a terrible liar. They always say the hardest part to play is yourself. 

"Is this about Nicole?" I smirk.

"Nicolette!" Eleanor barks, which is all the answer I need.

"Nicolette! Sorry!" I hold in a laugh, tieing my shoe and catching the keys she toss to me.

"Shut up! You're getting a tattoo for the guy you like!" 

"Wait. Do you think that's a mistake?" my smile falls into a frown as we run out to the car and get in.

"Only time will tell." she shrugs casually while simultaneously giving me the best idea ever.

"That's it!" I say squishing her in my embrace. " 'Only Time Will Tell' " I happily say as I start the car.

"You're insane..." she rolls her eyes and turns on the radio, clearly not getting what I'm on about. We both sing happily to all the songs we know and mutter random words to the tune of songs we don't, never admitting we don't know them.

When we get to the mall, Eleanor practically runs to the doors and I have to chase after her. Suddenly she stops before the doors and I nearly ram into her. "Wha-" she's fixing her hair in the reflection of the glass and checking herself out. "Eleanor!" 

"How do I look?" she turns to me making last minute adjustments.

"Desperate." I roll my eyes.

"Liam!" she whines sadly.

"Gorgeous! You look so good that if I were straight I'd jump your bones right here and now." I play with her hair a bit myself as I try to say this as convincingly as possible.

"Eww." she says adjusting her top.

"Well!" I say and start through and she follows. In all honesty I think her little crush is cute. I hope she doesn't end up getting hurt though.

As we walk through the mall I see the familiar little candy shop come into view and I feel Eleanor tense up next to me. I laugh as I hear her breathing become uneven. "Are you hungry, I'm hungry, let's go back to the food court!" she stops and starts tugging me to the opposite side of the mall.

"No, I'm good actually, had a big lunch." I smile, tugging her back toward the candy store. At first she tries to protest but soon enough she accepts that I'm much stronger than her and walks with me, dragging her feet a bit as we turn to enter the bright and colorful shop. Instantly Eleanor stands up straight and walks independently of me, no longer needing motivation.

Behind the counter is a girl maybe a year younger than us, maybe even 17. It's understandable why Eleanor is so intoxicated by her, she is in truth very pretty. Her long hair falls evenly on either side of her face and though she is wearing a simple light blue polo and black slacks as her uniform, it's very flattering in the fact it brings out her brilliant blue eyes. 

I hear Eleanor take in a breath before gracefully walking along the candy-lined walls, and I watch to see if Nicolette notices. She does. It's oh so subtle but it's there. She just barely glances up before her entire face warms up and a soft smile spreads on her face before flickering her eyes down to the ground at her feet. It makes me a bit jealous actually. To see someone so glad to see Eleanor. As if she's been waiting all day for another chance to see the one she likes. It makes me wonder if anyone has ever thought of me like that. If zayn likes me like that? If his face would glow like that if I went to get another tattoo... I hope so...

I'm brought back from my inner monologue when I see Eleanor gesturing for me to come over. I walk over and pretend to look at candy with her. "So?" she asks nervously.

"She definitely likes you... in fact I'm a bit jealous..." I admit.

"Really?" Eleanor's face lights up.

"Yeah, you should ask her out."

"I couldn't! She has to ask me out, what if she says no?" she squeaks.

"Trust me, she's not going to say no." I reassure her.

"I don-"

"What?" I ask loudly, "They don't have gummy bears?" I pretend to sound upset. 

"I thought you weren't hungry." She hisses.

There's always room for gummy bears." I smirk back then resume my loud facade. "This is complete madness! What kind of candy shop doesn't have gummy bears?" Eleanor looks terrified because although the shops quite empty, she's too self-concious in front of Nicolette. I grab her arm and give it a reassuring squeeze letting her know that I have a plan, and she has to play along. "Let's ask this girl, here, Eleanor." making sure to state her name clearly so Nicolette will remember it. 

"Can I help you?" Nicolette smiles, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. Her gorgeous eyes flicker back down to the ground a few times before finally resting on Eleanor's. 

"Yeah," I say when no words come out of Eleanor's mouth. "Do you have any gummy bears?" 

"We do, they're over here." she gets out from behind the desk and leads us to the gummy bears. El is sadly mistaken if she thinks I don't see her checking out Nicolette from behind. "Here you go." She hands me a big bag. And leads us back to the counter. Can I get you anything else?" she asks El, but before El can say no I nudge her and she nods.

"Do you have a pen I can borrow?" she asks. 

"Um, sure." Nicolette hands Eleanor a pen from behind the counter. "Anything else?"

"Paper?" she ask and Nicolette confusedly slides her own notepad toward El. El picks it up and writes down her number, blocking it from Nicolette's view, and skips a few lines before asking, "Darn, I'm crap at spelling...think you can help"

"What are you trying to spell?" Nicolette nods.

"You're number." she says casually though she can't hold back her cheeky grin.

"785-432-1098" Nicolette spells happily, blushing a little.

"Brilliant!" she writes it down before tearing the page in half, taking the blue-eyed girl's number and leaving her own behind. "We'll talk later, yeah?" she smiles.

"Yeah." Nicolette smiles as we pay for the gummies and leave. I'm beyond pleased at how this all went down. We've been trying to think of a way to talk to her for a while now, looks like Eleanor just needed a push, not a wingman.

Out of the store Eleanor attacks me with a massive hug and tons of thank you's. I hug her back before letting her know my own plan.

"So... how do you feel about going to that tattoo shop now?" I ask hoping she'll be up for it. 

"Yes! Let's go right now, and then we can both fall in love and go on double dates. We can get married and buy houses right next to each other where our kids grow up together!" she dances around me as we make our way out of the mall. 

"Slow down El, I'm just hoping he's into dudes!" I say as we find the car.

"Well let's go find out!" She spots my car and runs toward it. 

\- - - 

"Are you ready for this?" she asks as we walk up to the shop door.

"Yeah, I think so..." I take in a breath and smile as the familiar bell sounds overhead as I walk through the door. We're greeted by a girl who I'm guessing is Zayn's sister. She wears a pink blouse and her eyes match Zayn's in shape and color. 

"Hi, do you have an appointment?" She smiles pulling up a calander on her computer.

"No, but I've had one before if that means anything in your system." I explain, guessing their system is the same as Pizza Hut's. "My name is Liam Payne, last time I was here you were out on lunch." I smile.

"Sorry, did you say Liam Payne?" she asks, smiling from ear to ear. 

"Yeah?" I smile back a bit confused.

"Wow, um okay, one second." she stands up and just leaves to the back room. 

"What is she on about?" El asks.

"I haven't a clue..." I whisper back but soon we're joined once again.

"Liam! Good to see you man!" Zayn comes from the back room smiling like crazy. He's wearing a blank tank top with a snake head on it and tight black jeans. His bulging arms are covered in various tattoos and I'm glad I'm one of the few people that know why he has them. Maybe today I can find out what they mean. "Come for another screw?" he jokes bringing an unstoppable laugh out of me. 

"No, but that one looks great!" I follow him to the back room and Eleanor follows me.

"So what do you have in mind this time?" Zayn asks still smiling widely.

"I want a writing tattoo, do you do those?" I bite my lip nervously and take a seat at the same station as last time.

"Yeah of course, what do you want written, and where?" Zayn smiles getting out a binder from a drawer in the table. 

" 'Only time will tell...' on my wrist right here." I draw a line along the top of my right wrist. 

"That's really cool, what's it from?" he asks handing me the binder which is filled with fonts for me to choose from. 

"Er well, Eleanor said it, but..." I say pointing to the brunette across the room who's currently pretending to look at drawings.

"Oh is she your girlfriend?" Zayn asks in an unfamiliar tone I hope is disappointment or jealousy, even if that's awful. 

"El? No, we're just friends." I laugh and he nods, regaining his smile. "She just said that and it hit me it was really accurate... so I want it where I can see it every day." 

"Nice, so what font do you want?" he asks giving me a wide smile though showing no teeth.

"I don't know, which one do you do best?" I ask a bit jokingly.

"Well with fonts I use stencils so it really makes no difference performance wise, but I like this one here." he points to one that reminds me of a computer font.

"Yeah, that's good. Give me that one." I smile happily and hand him back his binder. 

"Alright give me a minute to make the stencil and we can get started." He takes it and turns to the desk, turning on a light and grabbing a purple pen. 

Suddenly Eleanor comes running over with her phone in hand. "Liam, Liam she called me!" She squeaks giving me a strong hug.

"Yeah?" I ask and i glance to Zayn who's chuckling.

"Yes! And she want me to go to Starbucks with her! She likes Starbucks, Liam she's perfect I swear I might die!" She collapses next to me on the bench and takes in a deep breath.

"Yeah? When does she want to go out?" I ask smiling at her drunken state.

"Now..." She bites her bottom lip vigorously, "Is that okay?"

"Of course! Have fun and tell Nicolette I say 'Hi'." I laugh and shove her off as she attacks me with another hug. "Goooo El, have fun." 

"Thank you so much!" She yells as she runs out of the room and soon I hear the bells signaling she's out of the shop.

"Sorry about her... she can get a bit... enthusiastic." I smile.

"No worries, sounds like she's passionate about this Nicolette," he chuckles.

"She's absolutely crazy about her." I agree.

"Anyone like that in your life?" he looks up and locks eyes with me.

"I-"

I'm cut off my Zayn's sister coming from the front room to announce she'll be taking her lunch break now. When she leaves I have no time to answer the question before Zayn starts talking again. "Right, so the stencil's done, we can get started once you approve it..." he slides the outline over to me and I instantly like it. 

"uh'kay, I'm going to have to shave your wrist so I can transfer it on." he explains and gets out a razor. 

"Yeah okay, here," I place my hand on the podium-like stucture and he moves it in front of him to get started. 

"So..." Zayn gently runs the razor over my upper hand to remove the hair. "Couldn't wait to get another tattoo?" He asks.

"I don't know... Maybe you've got me hooked..." I whisper as I watch him work.

"Yeah... They can be addictive..." He chuckles, "I have tons and not all of them have any deep meaning at all."

"So some of them have really deep meanings?" I ask curiously.

"Yeah... Some of them are really close to me... And really personal..." He sighs dabbing the stencil on my arm with the wet cloth. "Most of those I would rarely tell anyone what they mean."

"Would you tell me?" I ask, watching him in concentration as his hand suddenly stops and his dark eyes flicker up to mine. At first I'm scared he's going to say no, but then his eyelashes flutter as he takes in a breath and nods. 

"Really?" I ask, he just nods, giving me no explanation as to why he'd trust me with something so personal.

"So what's this one for?" I point to the two crossed fingers on his arm.

"That was right before I opened the shop." He resumes his work, taking off the stencil which leaves behind a purple outline of the writing. "I was the first one tattooed in the shop and a friend named Ed gave it to me. I wanted something to remind me how I was feeling at that time. I was so nervous for the success of the shop, and I wanted so badly for it to work out. It was my way of making a wish." His voice breaks on the last word and he swallows and takes a breath.

"That's really nice, thanks for telling me." I smile and he smiles back before continuing with the tattoo. 

"What about this microphone?" I ask. "Do you sing?" 

"Not really, no, it's more like a metaphor... Like, a microphone makes you louder... And I got that when I was feeling silenced. Like I had no say, no control, no choice." He twirls a needle in his hand as he speaks. "That was right after my granddad died..." He slowly let's out a breath of air filled with grief and sadness.

"I'm sorry, we're you close?" I ask, reaching out a hand for him. It rest there on his slouched shoulders and I can feel his breaths evening out. 

"Yeah," he nods, "the closest, but he's in a better place now, so it's alright. I got this one to pay tribute to him." He tugs his tank top to show his upper right chest revealing a tattoo of Arabic symbols. "It says Walter."

"That's really sweet, you making your body a living memorial of him." I nod bringing my hand away from his newly exposed peck. When my hand leaves his shoulder he shakes his head and sits up straight, as if to get it out of his system. Then he grubs the gun and gets his stuff prepared.

"So not to be a hypocrite, but are you sure you're not going to regret this?" He asks before turning on the needle gun and placing his hand on my own to steady me. I chuckle because it' quite ironic... I could never see myself regretting doing anything that let me spend time with Zayn, but since I can't answer that honestly, I give him the most realistic and relevant answer there is.

"Only time will tell..." I shrug.

"Ah, is this your new form of yolo now?" He chuckles.

"Yeah, something like that." I smile and he starts tattooing. I think it would hurt if he wasn't practically holding my hand. But with his hand wrapped around the back of mine and his adorable face of concentration, I can't comprehend anything else. If this room was burning, I wouldn't even notice.

I let my mind wander to earlier when he asked me if I had someone like Nicolette in my life and I wonder if he knows it's him. He's my Nicolette. Then after sitting there with a dumb smile on my face for a few minutes a thought occurs to me. What if I'm not his? What if he has a Nicolette and it's not me? Sitting there staring at him I sadly decide he probably has a girlfriend, he's really fit.

"Hey thanks, but I don't." He chuckles. 

"What?"

"Have a girlfriend?" He asks.

"No." I shake my head lightly, why was he asking this. Can he read minds? Shit. If he can then I'm in big trouble. Wait, what am I saying this isn't Twilight! 

"No," he chuckles shaking his head, "you said I probably have a girlfriend cause I'm quite fit, but I don't. But thanks though, glad you think I'm fit." He's about halfway done with 'time'. 

"I said that? Out loud?" My face turns bright red.

"Did you not mean to?" He asks confused, his face scrunched up in concentration.

"Well, no, I was just thinking-" 

"No worries, you're allowed to wonder if I have a girlfriend," he chuckles, "and call me attractive. You're fit too." 

"I am?" I ask.

"Yeah, I bet the girls are all over you." He smiles.

"Wouldn't know." I mutter quietly.

"Huh?" 

"What? Oh! Um, yeah I just said I wouldn't know." I says silently cursing myself out because why, why do I put myself in these situations.

"What do you mean?" He cocks his head a bit.

"I just, if they are... I... don't, uh, notice." I blush. 

"Hey, it's all good Li," He shrugs. "I don't either, no reason to."

"Li?" I ask, completely ignoring everything else he said.

"Oh, yeah um, sorry." His smile immediately disappears and is replaced with a look of embarrassment.

"Hey it's cool, Z." I smile. 

"Z?" He asks with a smirk.

"Yeah, if you get to call me Li, I get to call you Z." I explain earning a chuckle.

"Alright." He laughs with a nod before finishing the tattoo. I love that laugh. It comes with the most beautiful smile where his tongue pokes out of his teeth a little and his eyes crinkle up. It' stone too soon... "Well..." He finishes the final dot and wipes it off. "Here, you, go," with a wipe between each word. He cleans it off with the damp cloth and hands me the mirror though I already know it's fantastic. 

"How do you like it?" He asks throwing away his gloves and grabbing a bandage to keep it clean. I stand up and look at my hand in the long mirror next to the desk. Printed very clearly on my hand in black ink is the quote that explains everything. It's hard to believe that it' shuts there, not with sharpie or anything, it's a part of me now. It' say bit red and puffy but it's real.

"I love it so much!" I'm unable to wipe the smile off my face. It looks incredible and without even giving it a second thought I take Zayn into a big hug where we both immediately melt into each other's arms. When I come to pull away there's a bit of resistance from Zayn and I give him one last squeeze before departure. 

"I'm so glad you love it." He smiles handing my the bandage. I kind of don't want to cover it up but I know to keep it healthy I have to. I still feel the buzz in my skin though, so I won't forget it's there. 

"I hope I can see you again soon." He smiles as we walk out to the front desk where I pay. When I pull out my wallet Zayn pushes it back down and shakes his head. Seeing my look of confusion he explains, "I have a feeling I'm going to be seeing you a lot, so this one's on me. It's small and it gave me more experience with fonts, so thank you." He smiles.

"No, I couldn't!" I protest.

"Yes, you can, and you will, so don't try." He chuckles. 

"I feel bad..." I mumble a bit unsure of everything. "There must be something I can do... like a trade or something?" I offer.

"No, no it's all good, really... just... just come back soon," he smiles, "I like talking to you." 

"I will." 

"Promise?"

"Promise." I feel the butterflies rising in my stomach, as I turn to leave with my entire body screaming at me to turn around and stay. But slowly but surely I drag myself out of the shop... Back home... And I stay sat in my flat trying to figure out another tattoo to get in two weeks... Or a way to see Zayn before then...


	3. Protect You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liam gets another tattoo, they play 20 questions, Liam sings for Zayn... Things develop...

Chapter 3: 

 

Eleanor has once again dragged me out of my comfy pajamas to the outside world. I usually have no reason to leave the house other than to go to a few meetings with artists or music producers. My piano and guitar is at home, along with all my sound equipment. Eleanor does the shopping in our flat and I go on a run every morning anyway so really what else do I need?

Zayn.

"Come on, you're not going to finish that song by sitting there uninspired. You'll thank me when you're collecting your Grammy or whatever." She says as-a-matter-of-factly. I would argue but she has a point. I'm not going to get past my writer's block without making new experiences. And on top of that, it's been a week, my tattoo is mostly healed, and I need to figure out another one to get... I want something that shows what he means to me... Or something to show what I'd do for him. I mean, I'm getting tattoos to see him, but I can't exactly tell him that now can I? 

Don't get me wrong, I like the tattoos and they look good. Even if we don't end up together, I don't think I'd regret them, but still... I got them for him and that will always mean something.

"Where am I going?" I ask, my annoyance long gone. Now I just want to know where I'm supposed to be driving us.

"IHOP." She smiles typing on her phone.

"Right..." I roll my eyes taking the next left to go in the exact opposite direction I was going.

"Sorry, 'Li'" she makes fun of the new nickname. "Maybe one day he'll call you 'Liyum'." She giggles with a lick of her lips to emphasize her point. "Mmm, Liiiiiiyummy!" she moans.

"Are you quite done?" I pout.

"Yeah yeah, I'm sorry." She laughs.

When we arrive at IHOP we're seated and Eleanor has been glued to her phone since we got in the car. 

"El?" I ask, "what's going on?" 

"Nothing, but Nicolette will be joining us, hope you don't mind." She whispers quickly before getting up to greet the blonde that suddenly appeared walking toward our table. 

"Hey Nicolette!" I hug her after the girls pull apart. I love Nicolette to pieces, but I always feel like a third wheel when we all hang out.

"I'm sorry Liam! I don't mean to intrude!" Nicolette says quickly. 

"What?" Ugh why can't I not say thing out loud? "No, not at all! I'm just jealous of how cute you both are..." 

"Well how's it going with Zach?" Nicolette asks.

"It's Zayn." I correct annoyed

"Sure, whatever you say big guy." She laughs and takes a seat next to Eleanor just as the waitress comes. We give her our order and she gives us all drinks before leaving. 

"Nothing has changed since the last time we've talked, Nicolette..." I sigh in frustration. 

"And they won't if you just sit there." She snaps back. "Liam, I'm saying this as your friend: Eat your pancakes, and go get you some bad boy." Nicolette smiles into her cup of orange juice. Wait that's mine. Ugh. I don't even care.

"But I can't just show up randomly at his tattoo shop... I need to get a tattoo... So we can sit there together talking..." I smile at the thought.

"What do you even talk about?" Eleanor once again gets annoyed at the one detail I won't tell her.

"Just... Personal stuff... Stuff about his past, that he doesn't tell people...." I blush, accepting the food from the waitress that just came back to our table.

"So what you're like his personal therapist and you get payed in tattoos?" Nicolette asks when she leaves.

"No, I pay for my tattoos... Well I paid for one but-That's not the point..." I hiss, "the point is, you have to help me come up with something that will show that I would do anything for him. I can't tell him I'd get my entire body tattooed for him, but I want something that shows I'd fight for him." I lean back in my chair while shoving a bite of pancake in my mouth.

Nicolette starts laughing randomly and when I ask her what she's on about she smiles and says, "What if you got those gold circles on your neck like the guys from starwars?!" 

"StarTreck." Eleanor and I both correct her without a thought, Eleanor gets up to go to the bathroom.

"Fine whatever, it was a joke." She huffs.

"Well thank you, but no thank you. Although you may be onto something..." I sit there thinking a bit, occasionally taking a bit of my pancakes.

 

Eventually I do figure it out. When Eleanor comes back I give her the good news. "I figured out what I'm getting tattood in a week." I take a sip of my orange juice.

"Yeah?" 

"Yep..."

 

\- - - 

 

The girls join me going to the tattoo shop because Nicolette insists on meeting Zayn, but she won't stop talking about how she bets I'd bottom and honestly the whole thing is quite uncomfortable though Eleanor is laughing it up. Secretly I don't think I'd mind bottoming too much, but I'm sure as hell not gonna tell them that.

"Two weeks exactly, back for more Liam?" Zayn smiles, bringing me into a hug and whispering in my ear, "I'm really glad you came back, Li." I suppose he's a bit too shy to show the sappy side of him. 

"Me too." I whisper back, molding to his body before we pull apart. "Couldn't stay away! This is Nicolette, and you remember Eleanor." I gesture to the girls.

"Of course, lovely to see you Eleanor," he shakes their hands, "and a pleasure to meet you, Nicolette. Are either of you interested in tattoos?"

"We're um," Nicolette tugs at El's arm and her eyes flicker between the three of us, "actually going out, we only came to say hi, but please take care of Liam, won't you?"

"Of course." Zayn nods with a smile.

"Great, so we'll see you later?" Nicolette turns to me.

"Um, sure..." I respond confused and glance at Eleanor who I notice for the first time has a cheeky smirk on her face. She gives me a wink before the both of them run out of the shop. Oh.

"Er, sorry 'bout that... Thought they were going to stay..." I rub they back of my neck with my hand. 

"What do you not want to be alone with me?" He asks and if it weren't for the somewhat serious look on his face I'd have guessed he was kidding.

"Not at all! I just, they were acting weirdly, and I don't know why..." I lie to cover up the blush on my face.

"Maybe they wanted some alone time." He shrugs walking over to our usual bench and I take the seat in my dentist chair in front of him.

"What do you mean?" I think back and most of their time is without me, I've only hung out with them together like 3 times in the last 4 weeks.

"You know..." He wiggles his eyebrows, "some, alooone time. As in, intimacy. The physical kind."

"Huh?" I get pulled from my thoughts by his voice, "oh!" He means like fondling and stuff, "ew." shaking my head I say as the realization hits me.

"Is there something wrong with that?" His face falls and his eyebrows crinkle.

"With what?"

"Being gay." He elaborates, his body tensing up.

"Of course not," I almost laugh, "it's gross cause El's like my sister, not cause she's gay! If I had a problem with gays, why would we be best friends since primary school?" This time I do laugh.

"Good," he laughs, and I can't help but wonder if this is hinting that he's gay, or that he thinks lesbians are hot... Probably just that he's glad i don't hate gays... But obviously I don't hate gays... I shake myself out of my thoughts when he talks again. "So what will it be today? You've already got a screw, and some print, is it butterfly time?" He jokes taking a seat at his lit-up desk and grabs a piece of stencil paper and his special purple pen.

"4 chevrons on my right forearm." I draw a line along my arm. 

"Where do you come up with these things?" He chuckles shaking his head and starting on the drawing.

If only he knew.... But since I can't tell him I just shrug a bit. 

As he draws out the chevrons I watch him in anticipation. He's so focused and pationate, and even though it's a simple thing to draw, he looks genuinely happy to waste his incredible talent drawing straight lines. His long, dark eyelashes flutter as he works, his eyes analyzing his creation. I find myself imagining him looking at me like that in some alternate situation including dim lights and bare skin.

"Are you going to tell me what the chevrons are for?" Zayn asks while lining the stencil up with my forearm. He bites his lip in concentration, sending chills through my skin as his touch brings me out of my inappropriate thoughts.

"Well sure..." I talk slowly in an attempt to stall while trying to come up with a reasonable explanation, and think about something a bit less exciting.

"Yeah?" He asks trying to hurry me along.

"Yeah..." I bite my own lip, "well... It's sort of like a... 'I'll protect you thing'..." I explain though it comes out like a question, "like I'm a soldier, I'll fight for you, and you can trust me..." I trail off hoping he won't think about it too much though from the look of his face, he does. His dark eyes flicker up to mine and I see his face fall. Does he know?

"So, who's it for?" He turns away to grab his wet cloth to transfer the stencil from the table.

"What do you mean?" I ask, confused at his sudden shift in mood.

"You obviously like someone a lot if you're getting a tattoo for them... Who are you protecting?" Zayn's voice is strained in frustration and his face looks lighter than usual. 

"I'm not seeing anyone if that's what you're asking..." I'm a bit dumbfounded...I don't want to give too much away, but I don't want him to think I'm keeping something important from him.

"I-it's not...I just-I don't- I don't get it," he raises his hands in confusion, "I've told you more than I've told anybody else... I just want to know, am I stupid for telling you so much, or are you a jerk for keeping something from me?" He tosses the now crumpled up stencil on the desk behind him and just looks at me defeated.

"I'm not keeping anything from you, and you aren't stupid for telling me anything... You can trust me... Just like the tattoo says alright?" I rub his shoulder. His breath hitches and he looks tired. In all honesty, he looks relieved, but still exhausted as if the spit second of fear took everything from him.

"Look Z, why don't we go get something to eat, my treat? You look a bit pale and I don't want you sticking a needle in my body while you're upset. After that we can come back and you can do the tattoo, yeah?" I offer.

"Yeah alright," he stands up and I pull my hand back. "There's a cafe down the street that's really good." He smiles.

"Cool, I could go for a muffin." I nod and follow him out the door toward the front desk which is once again empty. "Is your sister ever actually working?" I laugh.

"I don't really know, I mean she must because I have customers... But I rarely ever see her genuinely working." She chuckles as we leave the shop, locking it behind us. 

"20 questions?" Zayn offers.

"Umm... Sure I guess..." I nod, hoping he doesn't bring up the tattoo thing again. Luckily I think I have him distracted.

"Okay I'll start," he smiles as we walk along he sidewalk, "what do you lock for in a date?"

"Umm... The person or the act of dating?" I ask.

"Both." Zayn shrugs, turning to walk backwards in front of me.

"I don't think that's allowed." I laugh.

"It's my game, so yeah." He says childishly.

"Alright," I put my hands up admitting defeat. Rubbing the back of my neck with my hand, I search for a place to start. "Well I guess I'd want someone funny, but a bit shy... Like they don't really have much to say at first, but I get'em talking." I smile at the thought of my perfect guy, "the dates wouldn't be too fancy at first, just getting some food or something, just hanging out..l obviously I'd pay..." Zayn nods for me to continue, "well, I'd want them to be cool with eating whatever in front of me, and I wouldn't want to do all the work conversation-wise... If they are interesting and nice, then it's cool..." I shrug... I look up from staring at the ground and see his face is bright and smiling. 

"What are you on about?" I smirk.

"Nothing, nothing, you're good with words, I wish I was like that," he smiles.

"Thanks, I bet it's the writer in me." I laugh.

"You're turn," he says as we approach the little cafe.

"Right..." I open the door for Zayn while thinking of something I want to know... "Do you trust me?" I ask.

"Yes." He says without blinking.

"Completely?" I challenge.

"More than anyone else in the world." He answers not completely but I'll take it. We get in line and when it's our turn Zayn orders for me. I'm a bit shocked seeing as he got both of us the same thing, and it happened to be what I was going to get anyway. Then he scampers off to a table while I pay like I promised I would.

When I join him at the table with our food, he has a big mischievous grin and I'm a bit nervous. 

"What are you smiling about?" I ask handing him his tea and muffin while taking a sip of my own.

"My turn." Is all he says. I gesture as if to say 'get on with it' and he changes his face to a more serious look. "When we get back to the shop, will you sing for me?"

"I don't know..." My voice shaking.

"Come on, Li! You see my art! It's on your body for goodness sakes!" He smiles, coaxing a laugh out of me.

"Yeah alright," I nod, "but not one of my songs, I'll save that for another time, yeah?" 

"As long as there's another time." He shrugs and takes a bit off his muffin. 

"My turn," he nods, "will you design one of my tattoos?" I ask before taking a bite of my own muffin.

"What do you mean? I'm a tattoo artist, I design tattoos all day every day, it's my job!" He looks confused.

"No, from beginning to end, like... I'd have no idea what it is until it's done and on me." I explain, laughing at how this isn't really 20 questions, but whatever.

"You trust me that much?" He asks looking shocked.

" 'course!" I chuckle, "but make it good!" 

"Yeah, yeah," he starts thinks about all the possibilities and he pulls the sleeves on his black jacket up to his elbow, "where do you want it?" 

"Anywhere." I shrug.

"Anywhere?" His eyes widen scanning up and down the length of my body, then grabs his tea.

"Well, anywhere but my head." I nod, making him nearly choke on his tea. I don't know why but I find this hilarious. Grabbing a napkin, I hold back a laugh.

"What?" He grabs the napkin after recovering.

"Like my face, I don't want tattoos on my face." I elaborate, knowing what he had in mind.

"Right yeah..." He nods, "I'm going to be honest, Li, I'm not sure I know you well enough to put something that permanent on any part of your body..." His eyes trail down from my face then flicker back up biting his lip, making me blush.

"Well then, you're just going to have to get to now me then. Here, give me your phone," I demand and he hands it to me from his pocket. I add myself to his contacts, then make the picture I used for my contact picture his background before he notices. "There," I lock it and hand it back to him, "now give me your number." I smile handing him my phone. 

"When do you want to hang out?" He asks, handing my phone back to me.

"Umm, I don't know, I pretty much have no social life besides work... So whenever's good for you." I shrug. 

"Well, we should probably start with doing that tattoo." He chuckles and stands up after draining the rest of his tea.

"Right, it's the biggest one yet so it'll take longer." I nod and follow him out of the cafe.

"Well at least we can get to know each other a bit more, yeah?" He smiles.

"Yeah," I agree but as we walk done the walkway my face drops and I slow my pace.

"What's wrong?" He frowns, hovering his arm behind my back to guide me along.

"Nothing," I shake my head, "I'm just not in any hurry..." I shrug looking over to him and see his face shift into a smirk.

"Awww, is wittle Wiam afwaid of the big bad needle?" He turns and wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me closer to him. Holy tattoos Zayn is hugging me almost and this time it's different cause it's not a greeting and we're alone and omg what. I'm suddenly very aware of every part of us touching. Our hims are joined together and I force myself to keep calm and not let our lower regions touching excite me too much. This doesn't even mean anything to Zayn, it's just casual. But my threatening member begs to differ. Our body's are formed in a shallow 'y' since our torsos aren't nearly as close as our bottom, since he's leaning back and I'm kind of just holding still trying to not die.

Instead of freaking out, I swallow my fear of a random boner in a casual hug, and smile. I'm a bit surprised at myself seeing as my arms have somehow snaked around Zayn's waist as if they had a right to. As if they thought they should go there.and I certainly have no clue what my arms are thinking when they pull closer to give Zayn's hips a small squeeze. "No," I blush, "reasonably-sized Liam is, aware, of the multiple needles involved in the making of my most substantial tattoo yet."

"Don't worry, I'll protect you." He gives me a cheeky grin, referencing my tattoo to let me know he's not going to let this go. He will find out what the tattoo means. And for that, I'm more terrified than I was about the needles.

"I'm not keeping anyone from you, I promise." I roll my eyes, hiding the nerves pretty well if you ask me. 

"Okay," he squeezes my hips playfully, "I believe you..." He flutters his eyelashes and I feel heat down south but try to reel it in for the time being. At less until we aren't close to grinding.

"Good, I'm glad you trust me." I whisper, unintentionally leaning in.

"Do you trust me?" He whispers back, leaning in as well.

"Yes." I breathe.

"Good." His lips part and closes his eyes, leaning in even more. I close my eyes as well and wait for his lips to join mine. Instead, I feel a cool breeze on my cheekbone, making my eyes flutter open. "You had an eyelash..." He smiles before slowly pulling away, smirking to himself. I think he's pleased with himself. He walks off down the path and I slowly drag my feet along to follow. Well... I'm so done for...

Zayn scampers ahead and dances around like a little kid. He unlocks the doors and leaps to the back room in a kind of pirouette. I just don't know how he can be the cutest and most adorable thing right now, yet only a minute ago I was fighting a boner caused by him. He's so beautiful and amazing. I just don't know. I literally can't.

"Why do you insist on rushing?" I whine, following him slowly to the back room.

"Because I really want to hear you sing!" He says in a childish voice. 

"Right... I mean... It's really nothing special..." He runs over and tugs me over in front of his seat and plops down ready to listen.

"I'm sure you're incredible now go!" He talks to fast I almost don't catch it.

"Well I mean... What should I sing...? I blush, rubbing the back of my neck with my hand.

"Whatever feels relevant?" He smiles.

I breath for a moment a pull a song out of my repertoire that I never thought I'd sing in a shop called "Kilam Nyaz" with a tattoo artist I have a crush on. It's a song that's originally very swing and a bit jazzy but I've remixed over the years to be a bit more upbeat. I hope he likes it...

 

I've got you under my skin.  
I've got you deep in the heart of me.  
So deep in my heart that you're really a part of me.  
I've got you under my skin.  
I'd tried so not to give in.  
I said to myself: this affair never will go so well.  
But why should I try to resist when, baby, I know so well  
I've got you under my skin?

I'd sacrifice anything come what might  
For the sake of havin' you near  
In spite of a warnin' voice that comes in the night  
And repeats, repeats in my ear:  
Don't you know, little fool, you never can win?  
Use your mentality, wake up to reality.  
But each time that I do just the thought of you  
Makes me stop before I begin  
'Cause I've got you under my skin.

I would sacrifice anything come what might  
For the sake of havin' you near  
In spite of the warning voice that comes in the night  
And repeats - how it yells in my ear:  
Don't you know, little fool, you never can win?  
Why not use your mentality - step up, wake up to reality?  
But each time I do just the thought of you  
Makes me stop just before I begin  
'Cause I've got you under my skin.  
Yes, I've got you under my skin.

 

Honestly, I'm not sure why I went with Frank Sinatra, but I mean too late now right? I open my eyes and look up from the floor and to my horror, Zayn is just sitting there. Just sitting there, with a completely blank expression on his face. Just when I'm cursing myself out for choosing a song I remixed, he jumps up and attacks me with a massive hug. 

"Oof!" I make a noise as his body hits mine, but accept his hug happily, snuggling my face his neck. That was pretty vulnerable... Me singing such a revealing and slow song... I'm so glad he liked it. I take a deep breath that is completely filled with Zayn's scent, but my breath hitches when I feel Zayn shiver in my arms for some reason. Then suddenly I realize, my lips are pressed against his neck. Not quite a kiss, but definitely not unnoticeable. My lip are clearly puckered on his lips, and I have no clue how to pull them back without drawing a ton of attention to it. 

While I'm freaking out I notice that he hasn't pulled away. And as I try to retreat my lips, Zayn leans in the them and I feel a whine in his throat. Honestly I don't know how to react to that but I know there's no way to take back the smile that just slipped out of my mouth. But at least I figured out how to un-pucker my lips. Though I bet Zayn's trying to figure out how to cover up his little purr. Either way when we finally pull away we both have awkward smiles on that I guess we're agreeing not to talk about. Maybe it would be too awkward. Maybe his purr didn't mean anything and he just relaxed his neck when I retreated my lips. But in that case, I don't want to talk about it. 

"That was amazing, Li! thank you so much. I know that was pretty made you pretty vulnerable, but I'm glad you chose such a swing song, and I like how you changed it a bit. I really liked it." He smiles, his arms still around my waist and my arms resting around his shoulders. 

"I'm glad you liked it, I was a bit worried... But I mean-"

"No, no I loved every piece of it. Every, piece of it." His eyebrows crease when he says 'every' and I wonder if that's a reference to the kinda kiss... But I'm not entirely sure, so I just smile and nod my head.

"Why don't we get started?" Zayn smiles and organized his stuff for the tattoo.

"Yeah... Yeah let's get started." I nod and take my seat, still a bit nervous.

"Hey, hey don't worry... I'll protect you." He smiles, his dark eyes connecting my own.

"Just like the tattoo." I smile.

"Just like the tattoo." He agrees and touches up my arm before switching on the needle gun.

30 minutes later, we're done with the first chevron. 

Zayn has figured out that he has to constantly talk for me to be able to handle the constant pain. It may not be a large pain, but as we go on it gets worse. It builds up and after a while we have to take a break in fact, every ten minutes, we take a 5 minute break. And he has to go slowly during, but we're 1/4 of the way done and I'm feeling embarrassed. But I mean, this isn't an outline or anything, this is a bajillion needles shoving ink in my skin all at once, creating a thick blob of black. It's bound to be a bit painful. I'm just glad Zayn hasn't mentioned that his voice keeps me strong. It's embarrassing, but when the needles pierce my skin, I don't really care what makes it feel better, so I'm glad to accept the sweet nothing's he's whispering.

An hour from the time we started we're done with two and my arm is red and puffy. He wipes it down and suggests I come back tomorrow to finish up, handing me a clean towel to wipe the sweat thanks built on my neck and forehead. I'm definitely not going to say no to coming back, and I don't think I can handle any more tattooing. But I don't want to say goodbye yet... 

"Yeah, I guess that could work..." I nod, wiping the sweat from my face. "I'm a bit embarrassed... You'd probably already be done with someone else, but you've had to go really slowly, and I'm still a mess..." I shake my head in disappointment. 

"If it makes you feel any better, I would usually use a gun with more needles on a tattoo like this. But I'm only using 5, so it is pretty slow-going." He chuckles, bandaging my tattoo and throwing away his gloves. 

"Thanks I guess, though now I feel like a wuss for only being able to handle 5 needles..." I smile.

"Eh, you'll get used to it, and it will get easier." His skin is so perfect and he's so perfect and his tongue peeking out of his smile is so perfect and I love it.

"You're really cool, Z." I drop my eyes to the floor.

"Thanks, you're pretty awesome." He smiles happily.

We talk for a bit after we're all done, but eventually we do say our goodbyes and I head out. The scent of Zayn's cologne still lingers on my skin. I'm quite pleased when I get home and find the house is empty, and I don't have to answer anybody's endless questions yet. I sprint to my piano and start writing. Eleanor was right, all I needed was to get some inspiration. And sitting in the house all alone isn't inspiring anyone. But Zayn is.


	4. Troubleshooting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liam is a bit hot and bothered

Chapter 4: 

 

I wake up early on Saturday and shower, careful of my new tattoo. The thought of seeing Zayn in a matter of hours makes me smile and I take the opportunity to uh, troubleshoot the erm... Problem... That sometimes occurs when I'm close to Zayn. I use quick strokes along my length to make myself pant in anticipation of my upcoming climax. Biting my lip to stifle my moans as I ride out my quick and dirty orgasm, the shower curtain is opened and I turn my body away from the cold air. I hear a high-pitched laugh that I recognize as Eleanor's as I come all over the shower wall in thick white ribbons. 

"I'm so sorry, Liam!" She's doubled over in laughter trying to cover up her smirk. "I just came to let you know breakfast is ready and ask if you wanted a lift to the shop, but it looks like you were just thirsty!" She let's out another loud burst of laughter at my expense.

"I was just-" I pant, still coming down from my high.

"Oh, I know what you were doing," she smirks, "I thought we locked the door when we planned on taking that kind of shower." 

"I wasn't... planning... on it.." I mutter and stutter and turn bright red due to the fact I'm covering my newly limp dick with my hand in hopes it will change what happened. Sure, El has seen me naked before, tons of times in fact. It's not really a big deal seeing as neither of us are anywhere near interested in each other, but she did just witness me orgasm and she's still laughing. "I was... Troubleshooting..." I blush trying to find anywhere in the room to look other than her eyes.

"You were troubleshooting?!" She asks confusedly, then her eyes widen in realization. "Oh my god, you mean you can't talk to Zayn without getting it up?" She chokes on her laughs.

"No! I mean, yes! I mean no, that's not it-yes, I can... But sometimes... We do more than talk..." I mutter.

"What?! And you haven't told me! How much have you done?" She looks angry but curious.

"No no no! I mean, last time-it's just-We were hugging and I thought he was going to kiss me-but he just blew an eyelash off my cheek... It was still enough to-so I was troubleshooting...to make sure it won't happen again..." I drop my head in embarrassment.

"Oh, Liam, don't be embarrassed. It happens to the best of us! Better than having blue balls right?" She laughs and turns to leave. "Oh, and Liam?" She turns back and I look up to meet eyes with her. "Clean that up before you leave." She laughs and struts off, leaving me humiliated and naked in a shower lined with my cum...

 

At breakfast I make it my main priority to completely ignore what happened in the shower and just get on with my day, though others aren't so cooperative.

"So Liam, Eleanor told me you had a nice shower this morning." Nicolette says in between chewing, making me choke on the sausage I took a bite of. "Oops, try to take on too much?" She smirks. "Start slowly and build up, or so I hear, never having done it myself." 

"Erm... I-well I just-" I stammer giving Eleanor an angry glare, she gives me a not-so-apologetic look.

"Relax Liam, El walked in on me once" Nicolette shrugs, "in her bed, too. She just joined me." Nicolette giggles and Eleanor shoves her playfully.

"None of that is true, Liam." Eleanor turns to me.

"I really don't need to know..." I stare at my plate, having lost my appetite. 

"Just go get your guitar then..." She laughs, standing to take my plate and I nod to before excusing myself. 

Before going to the shop to finish the tattoo, I have a meeting with an artist I'm writing with. His name is Ed and he's a really cool guy, I really like working with him and although he's pretty musically independent, we have a long history in writing together and he always cool with writing with me. I called him up when I finally figured out a song the other day, thanks to Zayn.

The girls and I met up with Ed at his studio because Eleanor likes the process we go through to make a song, and Nicolette spent the night last night so she tagged along obviously. 

"Hey mate, alright?" Ed asks, giving me a quick bro hug that I always feel awkward doing because cool people do them and I feel uncool usually.

"Yeah, alright, alright. You?" I offer.

"I'll be a whole lot better if you play me a potential hit." He pats me on the back before taking a seat and grabbing his guitar.

"Will do," I laugh, opening up my case and taking a seat in front of him on the dark red carpet.

"I'm just gonna play a bit of it and you can jump in when you get the hang of it, yeah?" I ask handing him the book with the music in it.

"Cool, now playing, 'Where We Land'." He smiles, looking over the book. I start to strum the intro and sing the lyrics I hope will be a hit for Ed.

 

Treat me beneath this clear night sky  
And I will lie with you  
I start to feel those butterflies  
When I'm next to you

Tell me your secrets  
Give me a friend  
Let all the good times flood in  
Do I love you?  
Do I hate you?  
I can't make up my mind  
So let's freefall  
See where we land

It's been this way since we were young  
We'll fight and then make up  
I'll breathe your air into my lungs  
When I feel your touch

Tell me your secrets  
Give me a friend  
Let all the good times flood in  
Do I love you?  
Do I hate you?  
I can't make up my mind  
So let's freefall  
And see where we land

 

My fingers finish out the song and Ed's do too, by the second verse he had the melody and music down and played with me. I can tell he's loving the song and the news he gives me is more than I expected. 

"That's a killer tune, mate! You've got to come record it with me!" He's grinning widely and patting me on the back.

"W-with you?" I nearly choke on the air. Eleanor hands me a sip of her coffee.

"Yeah man, can't imagine doing it without you!" Ed digs his phone out of his pocket. "That is if you want to record with me, yeah?"

"Yes! I would love to! This is so amazing!" I smile overjoyed. I've worked with Ed for how long? 3 years? And now... Wow... I get to record with him, this is incredible. 

"I definitely think those harmonies need in the album, man, you're vocals are sick." He puts his phone in his pocket and we get started on hammering out the details. 

Eleanor and Nicolette are babbling away about my new deal with Ed and the rather large bonus I'm going to be getting in addition to the price for the rights to the songs. I'll be getting 10% of the profits, along with a bonus for recording. They're pretty excited about the money, but I'm really excited that I'll have this opportunity. I know this isn't going to make me famous. But that's not really what I want is it? No, what I really want is success... It just happens that in this business, success often brings you fame, because you need many people to know and like what you do. 

 

"Liam, focus!" Nicolette pokes me as we pull up to the shop. 

"Sorry, what?" I ask. 

"How long is it going to take to finish the chevrons?" El asks, getting out of the car. "We're going to go get some stuff at the store, but when should pick you up?"

"Oh... Um... I'll call you yeah?" I ask and she nods, "why are you coming in anyway?"

"I want to say hi to Zayn!" She trots up to the door and opens it up.

"Good to see you Liam!" Zayn's sister whose name I now know is Waliyha says, "go ahead back, Zayn's been waiting." And I nod walking to the back room.

"Hey Z, the girls want to say hi," I announce before they walk in behind me. Zayn puts down his stuff to give them each a hug. Nicolette whispers something that makes his face shift in confusion and I'll have to ask about that later. 

"Hello, lovely to see you both! How are you?" Zayn smiles. 

"Brilliant, when do you get off work?" Eleanor asks.

"Umm... Seeing as it's my shop? Whenever I want..." He jokes, a bit confused at her question. 

"She means when do you usually close on Sundays?" Nicolette chimes in.

"Oh yeah, well I usually close at 1:30. Or whenever I'm done. Whichever comes first." He chuckles, adjusting his black snake tank-top. 

"Brilliant!" Eleanor says looking at her watch, "that gives you an hour to do the tattoo and if you would be so kind, could you give Liam a lift home? I wouldn't ask, but Nicolette and I have some shopping to do, what with the holidays only a month away and we know you get on well so it won't be weird." She smiles, taking Nicolette's hand in her own.

"No, yeah of course! It's not a problem at all!" Zayn smiles happily. "You go have fun, I'll take care of Li." He pats my shoulder and rubs it soothingly. I have to stop myself from collapsing under his perfect touch.

"Thank you so much, have an amazing day!" The girls run out of the rooms and I'm just left there awkwardly trying to breath while here is a perfect person rubbing my shoulder.

"They're always so mum-ish, sorry 'bout that." I chuckle turning a bit to face him and his hand slides down my arm above my elbow. 

"Not at all!" He sits down, taking his perfect hand with him. "They're a cute couple, I totally ship them. What would they be? Nileanor? Nicoleanor?" He guesses, picking up a copy of the chevron stencil. 

"I like 'Nicoleanor', but I think they're calling themselves 'Nleanor'." I chuckle. 

"Yeah I can see why, really rolls of the tongue." He jokes. 

"Well it's a bit shorter than others." I smile, refraining from moaning as he barely scratches my arm while he's rolling up the sleeve. He mutters a quick sorry, but I stay silent and just shrug it off because I don't trust myself to say something in English rather than inhuman noises if I open my mouth. 

"What would we be then?" He asks, pressing the stencil on my arm, careful of the one from yesterday. 

"Huh?" I ask still focusing on my breathing. 

"Our ship name, what would we be?" Zayn repeats, eyeballing the stencil to line it up perfectly.

"Oh, um, Layn? Liyn? Liayn..?" I furrow my eyes in concentration.

"Well how come you get to be first?" He pouts but that soon turns into a sassy reply. "I think Ziam is better."

"Yeah, alright, we'll be Ziam." I chuckle.

"Cool, you ready for this then?" Zayn asks, switching out the stencil for the needle gun. 

"Only if you keep talking to me..." I offer.

"Always." He smiles and turns on the gun.

 

"Alright, alright fair enough!" I laugh at Zayn's indecisiveness concerning the cookie or the cream of an Oreo. "What about cats or dogs?"

"Dogs." He says without a blink of an eye and I agree. "Chocolate or vanilla?" 

"Chocolate!" I nearly shout, "chocolate is my favorite food in general." I explain.

"Why? He chuckles. "I like chocolate too, but why is it your favorite, generally?"

" 'cause it's chocolate-y" I shrug. 

"Right, your turn." He laughs.

"Cool, boobs or bum?" I ask curiously. 

"...Bum" he finally says after making a strange face for a while, "If I have to choose...what about you?"

"Bum, definitely, I'm not really int- nevermind, just... Bum." I say, leaving out details revealing too much.

"Nice, guitar or piano?" Zayn asks.

"Wow... Umm... That's a hard one... I guess I'll have to say guitar, because if you can play guitar you can play anywhere... But a piano is a little less portable." I finally decide. "What do you think?"

"Well I don't play either as you know, I've always wanted to play both, but whatever." He shrugs. 

"Yeah, but which do like better?" I ask. 

"I don't really know, they're both pretty sexy." He shrugs, hiding a tiny blush.

"They are?" I ask a bit shocked.

"I mean yeah, doesn't everyone think that? You're like 75% sexier when you can play guitar or piano. It's logic, good with your hands right?" He explains, wiping the ink off my arm in between small strokes.

"So you think I'm sexy?" I ask, too scared to let any emotion show on my face.

"Sexier than me." He smiles in that way where his tongue sticks out and it drives me crazy.

"That's unlikely." I snort.

"Oh yeah? So are you saying you think I'm sexy?" He smirks.

"Well you already know I think you're fit," I say as smoothly as possible. "but I mean, you're all chiseled, and you're smile is nice, and when you haven't shaved in a while you're facial hair curls a bit in little black swirls and I love it because mine comes out like a ball of fluff on my chin..." I trail off realizing I probably sound pretty creepy but then I notice Zayn's smile and he's stopped tattooing, so it's just buzzing in his hand.

"Go on." He says.

"Well... You're muscular and I mean if being good with your hands is anything, you're probably better than I am. You have to be steady and make perfect stokes with your art. Then, sometimes when you smile, you're tongue sticks out of your bottom teeth and it- I can see that being a major attraction for someone." I try to cover up me almost saying that it kills me, but honestly, with the look on his face as he tattoos me, I don't think he'd care.

"What about you though, when the needle hurts you a bit too much, you're eyebrows furrow and you sweat a bit, making your muscles glisten. Then on top of that, you bite your lip to stop yourself from whimpering I assume, and it drives me up the wall I swear. I don't know how you can expect me from stopping before I really hurt you when you're doing, that." He huffs in frustration, then his face turns a bit red when he realizes what he just said.

"That's just good practice for later then." I set up a joke that will either ruin everything, or save us both from being awkward.

"What do you mean?" He ask, the pink lingering in his face.

"Well it'll hurt quite a bit when you're stretching out my arse now won't it? And you'll want to pound as hard as you can, but you'll have to stop and let me adjust to your massive length. So yeah, I might make really, really sexy faces, but you'll have to give me a break rather than keep going even though I know I turn you on." I whisper clearly with a playful grin, though I don't think he knows just how serious I really am. 

"As long as I get to top." He adjusts himself in his seat and laughs with that smile that I think I should rename 'the smile'. 

"Well I figure we'll take turns cause you definitely want me in you." I say as-a-matter-of-factly. 

"I'm only human." He nods bobbing his head in a loud laughter. 

I love that we're good with these jokes. I love that I can tell him I want him in me and he laughs and thinks it's the best thing ever. If I didn't want that to actually happen so badly, this would be hilarious, but for now, I fake a laugh. 

"I think... We're about done..." Zayn wipes the entire tattoo down and takes off his gloves, letting the now silent needle gun on the table. "Take a look," he gestures to the mirror. 

"It's fantastic!" I nod and accept the bandage from him, wouldn't want to get an infection. 

"I'm glad you like it, so what do you have planned for today?" Zayn asks curiously, leading me to the front of the shop to leave.

Nothing, I had a big morning, so it's a free afternoon for me. Dishes maybe, if El hasn't done them... Though she probably has..." I shrug, following Zayn to a blue car. I know absolutely nothing about cars, but this one's pretty...

"Oh yeah! I was supposed to ask about your shower this morning! it's that a part of your busy morning?" Zayn asks as we get in the car. 

"What?" My face drain of all color. Eleanor wouldn't tell him about that. Nicolette...that's what she was whispering.

"Nicolette whispered in my ear when she arrived, 'make sure to ask Liam about his shower this morning, and don't take no for an answer if he won't tell you.' I'm not sure why she insisted I know about a shower, but I'm afraid you must tell me." He explains before we pull out of the empty parking lot, Waliyah left earlier in her car.

"You don't actually need to know... About that, I don't know why she was-" 

"Mate just tell me, tell me and if it's embarrassing I'll confess something to you." He offers. "Or you can ask me something and I'll answer one hundred percent truthfully."

"Umm... It's just, it's irrelevant really.. I was just-I was having-I was-it was-wank." I choke out. I know that Nicolette would tell him herself if I don't, at least I can leave out some of the more embarrassing details. 

"Not sure I understand, Li." Zayn gives me a skeptical look. 

"Eleanor caught me, at it, in the shower..." I admit.

"That's priceless, what happened?" Zayn laughs.

"Well..." I decide as long as he doesn't know I was thinking about him while doing it, this can be just as funny as the sex joke. "I was just, erm, finishing up, when El drew back the curtains. We've never been bothered by seeing each other naked because she's a lesbian and I'm gay- but we do lock the doors when we want privacy- I just wasn't planning on needing privacy. Something just kind of popped in my head- Anyway I turned away from her and ended up coming all over the wall. She laughed, I blushed, and she told me to clean it up before work." I explain, rushing though the last details when it sets in that I just told Zayn I'm gay. 

"Brilliant, I bet you were red in the face, but-wait. What were you troubleshooting then?" Zayn asks confused, but not even blinking an eye at the news that I'm gay. Maybe he didn't hear... Maybe he already knew... Maybe he guessed... Maybe he hoped... I hope he hoped... And- did he just ask me about troubleshooting?

"What?" I ask flatly.

"Nicolette said you were troubleshooting." Zayn explains, "I don't understand.

"Oh, well, I just uh, you know getting it all out, so... things don't... happen later..." I say nonchalantly though with the pauses between my words I don't think I sound casual.

"Ah, yeah man, I get that. I do that too, never called it troubleshooting, but yeah, in fact, had me a wank this morning so I don't get too turned on by you." He chuckles, and the car stops.

"Right," I force myself to laugh and breath evenly. "Good luck with keepin' him down. I'm pretty hot." I laugh and look around outside, this is not my flat. In fact, I should've known because he never asked where I live. We appear to be at an ice cream shop. 

"Oh, yeah, well I'm hungry, and you said you didn't have plans, so I figured we'd get some ice cream, yeah?" Zayn asks, unbuckling his seatbelt and opening the door, I do the same.

"No, yeah that's cool. I love ice cream." I nod and walk by his side up to the shop doors. 

We walk inside and at the counter there's a blonde girl with brilliant blue eyes. She's gorgeous in every aspect. Her hair looks like it's from a runway, her makeup looks like it's been done by a professional, and honestly, I'm jealous. 

"Hi, I'm Perrie, what can I get for you today?" She asks in a strong accent. 

"Yeah, we'd like two large cones, one vanilla, one chocolate." Zayn says, getting his wallet out of his pocket.

"Oh, here, let me-" 

"No, Li! my treat. Besides, if you think about it, the money you used to pay for your tattoo goes into my bank account, so really, you are paying." He shrugs, handing Perrie a green debit card that she swipes and hands back.

"Well thank you." I smile.

"Of course, you said you liked chocolate, right?" He smiles, accepting the first cone from Perrie and handing it to me, the second one follows. 

"Yeah, I did." I nod and we walk over to a booth to sit down.

"Good, so tell me about this big morning you had, after the shower you had clearly thinking about me I mean." Zayn smiles, licking his cone.

"Oh, well I just secured a new deal with a friend of mine named Ed Sheeran, he's a singer/songwriter." 

"Yeah I've heard of him, I like his stuff." Zayn nods. 

"Really? He's not that well-known, but anyway, I just finished a song for him, and instead of me just getting a percentage of the the profit from the sales of the song, he wants me to record it with him as well. It'll be a duet I think, not sure. But this is a huge opportunity for me, extra cash aside." I explain, enjoying my ice cream. 

"That's awesome! What's the song, can I hear it?" Zayn asks excitedly.

"Um.. It's called Where We Land... It's kind of a love song, and you can hear it on his album." I smirk.

"Ah, a love song, how sappy." He makes kissy faces that I swear might kill me.

"Yeah well for a while I had writer's block, but the other day I was just... inspired, I guess." I shrug.

"Well, I'm excited to hear it. And hey, by the way, this makes you a professional singer, doesn't it?" He points out.

"Huh, yeah, Liam Payne, singer/songwriter... Crazy..." I shake my head in disbelief. 

I watch Zayn for at least three minutes as he's focused on his ice cream. His pink lips softy wrapping around the top of the cone, while he hollows his cheeks to suck the chocolate treat. Then his tongue traces along the under side of the cone, only for him to reach the top and bob down on it again. Some melted ice cream rests on his bottom lip, glistening against his full, pink lips. I watch in envy as his tongue slides out to lick the white cream off his lip. I fight back a moan as I feel my pants tightening, but my limbs turn to jelly, dropping the ice cream cone on the table. 

"You alright?" Zayn asks worriedly, grabbing a napkin to clean up my mess.

"Yeah, no I'm good, I'm just, my hand.. Fell asleep or something I don't know... Sorry about that." I explain hurriedly tugging my shirt down over my crotch.

"Well I mean, do you want another?" He offers. 

"No, I'm good, really," I assure him and his face softens, "really, I'm full anyway, it was delicious though." I throw the trash in the bin.

"Are you thirsty?" He asks.

"No, I'm alright," I attempt to ignore his use of the word 'thirsty', "but uh, I ummm, I'm actually not feeling so hot, could we uh? Could we take a rain check? Like we can hang out later?" I offer.

"Yeah, cool, we can go now and you just give me the directions to your place." He smiles.

"Cool." I lead him out of the shop, praying that he doesn't look down at my pants, which are literally getting tighter by the minute. If Zayn would just throw away that damn cone, but he insists on finishing it in the most seductive way. 

I direct him to my place, my hands in my lap to cover up my hard-on and I fight with myself to not look at Zayn as he's finishing his cone, but at the same time, I want to look. I want to look, touch, kiss, lick, smell, and bite him. It's not helping. We still have at least 5 minutes left in the trip to my flat and at this rate I'm more likely to come right here in my pants than anything else. So I do the only thing I can think of.

"Whoa, is that a blimp?" I throw my hand across the car to point out the window, 'accidentally' knocking his icecream cone out the window. "Oh! I'm so sorry, Z! That's just- I am so clumsy today- I don't know what has come over me!" I frown.

"It's okay, Liam, calm down." Zayn laughs. "It's no big deal, just an ice cream cone, no use crying over spilled milk... or frozen milk tossed out a window." He laughs at his own silly joke.

"Thanks again, Z, for everything, sorry about everything, I'm just-" I say when he pulls up to my flat, my hands still in my lap in hopes he won't see it.

"Honestly, it's okay, Li. You clearly need need some sleep or something, call me when you feel better, yeah?" Zayn rests his hand on my thigh and gives it a light squeeze. He probably thinks he's being comforting, but at this moment in time, it's not comforting at all. I throb under his touch and I know if he shifted his hand up a few inches, he'd feel it too.

"Yeah, I call you, I probably just need sleep or something." I open the car door and throw myself out of the car. "See you!" I shout running up to the front door, yanking and pulling at my shirt.

Inside the flat I have to walk through the living room to get to my bedroom, and much to my dismay, I see two girls snuggling on the couch. I try my best to hide it from them but it's getting bigger even still and as I rush through the room they laugh and giggle.

"Troubleshooting didn't work?" Eleanor shouts from the living room as I run down the hall, making giggles erupt from Nicolette and Eleanor both.

"Shut up!" I shout back, slamming the door to my bedroom and locking the door.


	5. Friendly Sleepover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lil' bit'a smut and fluff

Chapter 5: 

 

I wake up unhappily to a lonely bed and a memory of a sad pathetic excuse for an afternoon from yesterday. I spent the rest of the night scrolling through tumblr, reading smut, and spending some time alone. On the side table next to my bed is a empty tube of cookie dough and my laptop is pushed down by my feet, it's warmth hugging my toes. 

Slowly and groggily I sit up... Looking around the room with my tissues scattered around the floor... Ewe... My arm is sore and I can't even count the times I jerked off yesterday. This is pathetic. I'm pathetic. And I'm too lazy to get out of bed. So I collapse my arms and stay in bed for a few more hours. Sleeping, waking up scrolling through tumblr... Falling asleep again. Until I have to get up because I'm hungry and I don't have food in my room. 

I consider yelling for El to bring me some food, but it's 4:30 so I should get out of bed, and I don't think anyone should have to see the mess that my bedroom is right now. I don't even know how it escalated this quickly... But until I have a chance to clean nobody should be in my room... In fact, I should avoid everyone entirely... I'm a mess...

Creeping out of bed in hopes of avoiding being spotted while taking my little walk of shame, I use ninja skills to navigate to the kitchen in search of food. In the fridge I find a pitcher of Kool-aid and continue my search for food. Rummaging through the highest shelves of the cabinets in my boxers, I hear a cat-whistle from behind me. I flip my body around to see the intruder. When I turn my hand releases the pitcher which drenches the masculine figure in front of me from head to toe.

"Oh my-"

"Well, you know how to make an entrance don't you?" The familiar Bradford accent chuckles, wiping his eyes. His hair is dripping but the product lingers in, attempting to defy the liquid tugging it down. 

"Zayn! I-I-what are you doing here? how did you get in?"

"Well," Zayn steps closer and I take a step back without thinking, he frowns, "Eleanor let me in, and I came to check on you. You haven't been answering my calls or texts... I was worried about you." 

Zayn was worried about me? Zayn was worried about me! And now he's in my kitchen, while I'm in my boxers, after I spent all night wanking to him. I suddenly become way too self-conscious and grab a nearby box of Cheerios to cover up. 

"Wow, um, thank you, I'm alright, just gonna take it easy for a bit." I nod. "You should, too, you look a bit red." I laugh, referencing the cherry drink all over him. 

"Well, do you need anything?" Zayn asks. 

"No, I'm alright..." I say quietly, "hey, um is Eleanor here?" 

"No, she left but told me I could wait for you to wake up... Do you want me to leave?" He asks, looking almost hurt. 

"No!" I nearly shout, earning a strange looks from Zayn, "I mean, no, it's cool... if you want to shower, I can um..." My eyes rake his body where his shirt clings to his chest, "You're clothes-I'll-I can wash them and you can just-and I'll clean this mess up." I spit out looking down.

"Yeah, I think I'll do that." He nods, walking down the hall in search for the bathroom. 

"First door." I offer and he nods, turning into the room. I follow him into the bathroom to collect his clothes, assuming he'd get in the shower and hand me his clothes but nope. "Oh, um sorry." I blush looking away from his completely naked body over a puddle of his clothes on the floor.

"Are you embarrassed, Liam?" He asks with a smirk, his hands on his hips. "Cause I mean, if anything I should be, but I'm not, so you shouldn't be either." He points out.

"Right, I'm just gonna, take these and go though." I grab his clothes leaving his boxers cause they didn't get wet and he'll need something so he won't be naked.

"Thanks man." He gets in the shower, "oh and Li?"

"Hmm?" I turn back only to flicker my eyes away from his perfectly sculpted body. He has even more tattoos than I thought and I can't help but stare. My eyes are constantly moving between devouring him, and completely avoiding him.

"Did you end up cleaning the shower after your troubleshooting?" He smirks.

"I er-um, I-yeah-I'm just gonna." And with that I leave the room, closing the door behind me to head to the laundry room. 

Once I've put his clothes in the wash and just chilling there for a while, I walk back to the bathroom to tell him his clothes will be ready in about 20 more minutes, but I'm stopped by muffled moans from the bathroom. 

No... he can't be-

"Yes, oh god yes, oh-" Zayn pants and I run to the living room. I'm caught between not knowing whether to laugh my ass off, or touch myself. Oh god. Zayn Malik is jerking off in my shower. I creep back to the bathroom and he's getting louder, still muffled, and strained, but obvious enough that he's not doing anything else. I think of the grossest things to stop my self from getting my own little problem, pacing back and forth in the living room so I don't get caught listening to him. How? How can I possibly be getting a semi right now? I've spent all night- oh my god! My room- 

I quickly run to my room but the bathroom door opens revealing a naked Zayn in a white towel. I'm not entirely sure that this isn't as sexy as completely naked Zayn. 

"Hey, where are you going?" Zayn asks, securing his towel with one hand while the other holds his boxers.

"Um, I'm going to get dressed." I lie and try to walk away.

"Oh no you're not." Zayn grabs my shoulder stopping me from walking away, from breathing, and from thinking clearly at all.

"I'm not?" I ask confused.

"I'm not going to be the only one in my boxers! You have to stay undressed until my clothes are dry." He runs his fingers through his hair which is wet and not styled. It looks so soft... And messy... And amazing...

"Alright, well I'm just gonna, do something." I shake myself out of this drunken state he's put me in. I turn to leave but hear Zayn shuffle behind me to follow.

"Uh, can you just wait here, for half a second?" I ask.

"No." He shrugs.

"But-" 

"Look Liam, you've got to stop being so embarrassed all the time. You just saw my dick and I didn't even blink. Whatever you have in your bedroom, I'm sure I've seen worse." He smiles and squeezes my shoulder. "Besides, I don't think we should keep secrets from each other. I don't have a lot of friends, but I know that friends don't keep secrets." 

"Right, this isn't-"

He rolls his eyes and pushes past me. As he grabs the door knob my mind flashes to the tissues scattering the floor, lotion on the side table with an empty tube of cookie dough. My laptop is still on my bed opened to gay smut and sweet lord baby Jesus Zayn's naked for god sakes... This is going to be very awkward, and very obvious.

"Wait!" I shout, giving up on any other fate, "will you just..just put on your boxers before you go in there?" 

"Umm... Sure..." He looks at me skeptically but does it all the same as I turn away.

"Better?" He asks once they're on and I turn back to see. I take the towel from his hands and put it in the hamper in the bathroom.

"Yeah, it'll have to do." I decide before removing my hand from his on the door knob.

"I'm sure I've seen far worse, Liam," he shoves me aside and before I can stop him he opens the door. I shutter as his face shifts and his eyes are wide, "Holy fuck." He says, dropping his hand from the door knob.

"I-"

"Do you have a cold?" He asks with a smirk.

"Yes!" I shout, thankful for the excuse.

"Don't lie to me Li, I'm not stupid." He smiles widely.

Oh...

"You were feeling frisky weren't you?" He chuckles walking around the room, dancing around the tissue snowballs. 

"Well..." I blush red because what the hell do you say in these situations. 'Yeah you were really sexy the other day when you were sucking off that ice cream cone and this was my only solution.'

"Do you know how many times you did it last night?" He asks in awe.

"No." I admit, rubbing the back of my neck with my hand.

"Well I'm impressed." He shakes his head in disbelief and take a seat on my bed. Holy fuck Zayn Beyonce Malik is on my bed. That's almost in my bed. Also he's in his boxers. That's almost in my boxers-wait, that's not the same at all...

"What?" How can he be impressed... This is pathetic...

"Well I mean look around! You must've been at it for hours! Each time you blew a huge wad! Now that's stamina..." He picks up my laptop and I cringe, I rush over trying to obtain it back but he resists. "Liam please, I'm sitting in a room covered in your come, at least let me know what got you goin', I could use it someday." He shrugs. "Also, you can clean this all up while I look." He says, waking up the computer.

"I really... Fine..." I submit and start cleaning up my mess. Part of me thinks I need to stop him... but that boy could tell me to jump from a plane and I'd do it, trusting that it's the right thing to do. I'm really glad to have Zayn in my life, if only as a friend. It amazes me how comfortable he is about sexuality. I refrain from thinking about his sexuality as I clean. It takes a few minutes and I have to go get another trash bag for my bin, but when I'm back Zayn speaks. 

"Have you ever done this?" He asks.

"Have I ever done what?" I ask, wondering if he means writing smut.

"This," he turns the screen to show me a paragraph of a story I was reading. I skim over the text. It was a simple blow job and I wonder what he's on about. 

"Yeah," I chuckle, shrugging in confusion.

"Are you any good at it?" He asks curiously, turning the computer back to himself.

"I've never heard any complaints." I laugh lightly, sitting down next to him on the bed to look at the screen.

"What's it like?" He asks quietly. 

"Giving one?" I ask confused, my heart sinks as I realize this probably means he's straight.

"Both giving... And receiving..." He nods.

"Wait, you've never had one?" I ask clearly shocked. 

"Well don't look so surprised. Do you think I'm some whore or something?" He laughs but I can see the blush beneath his perfect cheek bones.

"No, it's just.. You're incredibly fit, I just thought-" 

"You think I'm that attractive?" Zayn says, his voice somehow cracking in an bit of a whisper. 

"I think you're perfect." I admit.

"Not even close, but thank you..." He leans sideways toward me a bit. 

"Why not?" I ask curiously, "Why haven't you had one?" I elaborate when I see his confusion.

"I have... Difficulty... With that." He shrugs. 

"Really?" I ask unconvinced that he has any difficulty with anything in that department. And he's rather open with his sexuality. I just heard him orgasm in the shower after all. "Are you shy or something? Like stage fright or something?" 

"Clearly not, Liam, I just... It's hard for me... Or rather, not hard for me..." He completely turns red, blushing dramatically for the first time and I have to catch my breath.

"So... You can't usually?" I ask, thinking about how he was just wanking in my shower.

"Not really..." He sounds kind of frustrated.

"So you've never been with a really hot girl and she got you going?" I ask seriously finding it hard to believe.

"Well first of all, I've never been with a girl at all, I honestly thought you knew that; secondly, not even the hottest guy I've been with has gotten me 'going'... I don't know, for a while I thought I must have been like anti-sexual or something. Like I'm the only person that can do it, but then it happened and I was so relieved, I wanked as soon as I got the chance." He explains, blushing still.

"What happened?" I ask still a bit confused.

"Someone else gave me a hard-on. Didn't even touch me, I was just hanging with 'em and it happened. Crazy..." He shakes his head smiling, as if remembering how it felt. I sit there with the biggest smile on my face from all this knowledge I'm collecting. Zayn's gay, and it sounds like he wanked over me in my shower. But I might be crazy. 

"So seriously you've never been with anyone that got you hard?" I ask feeling special.

"Why is that so shocking?" Zayn pouts. 

"Because, you could have anyone- boy, girl, dog, or dolphin, that you wanted with a snap of your fingers. Surely someone could turn you on enough." I nearly shout. My eyes flicker away for a moment, only to return to see Zayn's face contorted in concentration, staring at me. He's biting his lip and squinting at me. I'm confused for a moment, then he lifts his hand in between our faces and very deliberately snaps. For a moment I almost expect something to happen, but when nothing does, his hand drops and he smirks, still looking disappointed. 

"Nope..." He says quite simply.

"I don't understand." I shake my head in confusion.

"I can't have anyone I want with the snap of my fingers, it didn't work." He explains.

"What are-"

The washing machine buzzes announcing that his clothes are ready for the drier. I get up to go get them. When I return Zayn is nowhere to be seen. 

"Z?" I ask and I hear ruffling in my closet, "Why didn't I think of that? You could borrow some of my clothes!" I offer but hen he walks out he walks out with my guitar rather than clothes. "Oh yeah! Did you want a lesson real quick?" 

"Yeah, sounds cool." He smiles.

"You can still borrow some of my clothes though," I chuckle. 

"Nah, I'm good." He shakes his head.

"What are you too good for my clothes?" I ask, faking offense.

"No, I'm just more comfortable with as little clothes as possible." He shrugs, handing me the guitar and I reject it. He looks genuinely confused but I am quick to explain.

"It'll be easier for you to learn hands-on, not just watching me." I sit down on my bed and pat the spot next to me and Zayn sits. "How about we learn a song first, yeah? I'll show you how to play your favorite song." That way if you never learn anything else, at least you have something." 

"Right, sounds good..." He nods and I head to my closet. "Wait what are you doing?" He asks.

"Umm... Getting dressed..." I look at him quizzically.

"But, then I'll be in my boxers alone..." He pouts.

"But that's you're choice though, I offered you clothes." I shrug on the first pair of sweat pants I find.

"Fine, I'll wear your clothes then, but only pants!" Zayn bargains and I rolls my eyes, tossing him the pair of grey sweats that match mine and we take a seat on the bed. He's in position to play, waiting for instructions. "They smell like you."

"Probably." I shrug, taking a seat next to him.

"You smell good." He says inhaling deeply before putting them on. He's so strange. It kills me.

"Thanks, I shower regularly." I chuckle, stopping the weird noise in my throat, "What do you want to learn to play?" I ask, voice strained.

"Umm... What about... The song you wrote?" He asks.

"You want to learn 'Where We Land'?" I ask surprised. "You've never even heard it..." I point out.

"Yeah, but I want to." He shrugs.

"You might not even like it." I say. 

"I'm sure I'll love it, if you teach me." He smiles lightly, poking me playfully in the tummy.

"Alright..." I breathe, I'm going to teach Zayn the song I wrote about him... Brilliant... "Alright, let's start with a G then..." I show him how to finger the little lick and to be honest he's picking up on it rather quickly. Even though it's a difficult song.

"You wrote this?" He asks, playing what I've shown him over and over. 

"Yep." I say, watching in amazement as he perfectly plays.

"It's really beautiful, I can't imagine just creating this..." He shakes his head in disbelief.

"Well thank you... I think you're ready to move into the verse. Then we'll put what you've learned together...." I move his fingers about the strings to show him how to play, "So then that's E minor, with the little-" my hand is laying over his and shifts his fingers so mine fall in between his. I get the chills as his thumb presses against mine to scoot it over. "yup there you go....you've got it. Then just" I strum my finger lightly down the strings and the note plays out. He replicates it and I can't help but smile, "nicely done." I nod in approval.

"I really like this song Liam..." He smiles. 

"I do too." I admit, caught in his eyes. I finally pull myself from his gaze and continue with the lesson. "So then it's just D, then G again... Yep, you have it."

Soon enough he has the whole song learned and I'm a bit jealous. Learning the guitar did not come as easily to me as it is to him, but I'm glad he's doing well and enjoying it.

"I can see why he wanted this song so badly, it's amazing." Zayn says, strumming the last chord. "Do I get to hear the lyrics now?" He asks hopefully.

"Umm... Sure... You play I'll sing?" I offer.

"Sounds good, ready?" Zayn asks and I nod, signaling for him to start strumming. 

Zayn's smile doesn't leave his face for most of the song as he plays along, listening to me sing. Our eyes connect over the words and my voice comes out in melodic whispers as our bodies lean together. He starts to pick up the tune for the most part and spins it around on his tongue. Making his own melody for the song with high riffs that follow my notes. I love how our very different voices blend together in a rhythmic dance. 

As his fingers finish out the song, I find myself staring at his lips, he licks them and leans in toward me. He smells sweet and it pulls me even closer to him and my eyes flicker from his eyes to his lips in fear this isn't okay, but he seems to be going along with it because I can feel the heat of his breathe on me and his eyes flutter shut. He's so inviting and I lean in to close the space between us when-

"I'm hooooooommme!!!!" Eleanor sings and I jump back from Zayn, running into the kitchen to find Eleanor putting away groceries. "Sorry I shopped without you, but you were so tired and your room was so messy I didn't want to walk across the river of come to wake you up." She laughs, not even looking up from her groceries once. 

"I'm mad at you." I say blatantly, my arms crossed and my foot tapping in annoyance.

"What did I do?" She asks finally looking up just in time for Zayn to join us in he kitchen. Eleanor scans our bodies up and down noting that we're both only wearing sweatpants and when she left, Zayn was fully clothed. "Oh... What happened to your hair?" She asks Zayn, trying to find a way to take her attention away from this awkwardness.

"Oh, I took a shower, so it doesn't have any product." He nods and the three of us remain frozen, awkwardly exchanging glances, though Zayn seems ignorant to how this must look to Eleanor.

"Showered, right." She holds back a smirk but it's still shows. "Well Liam, if you could help me with some of these groceries, that would be great." She turns to Zayn. "And could, you take this to the bathroom, you know where it is I expect?" She hands him a new pack of toilet paper and he nods, accepting it and leaving. 

"It's really not how it looks." I hiss as soon as Zayn is gone.

"We're talking about this later." She warns.

"He's gay." I quickly whisper, putting some pickle chips in the fridge.

"Obviously, that's good right?" She asks.

"Yeah, if he likes me, otherwise I'd rather have him be straight so my self esteem doesn't drop off a fifty story tower and die." I chuckle and she hands me some packages of Kool-aid packets and I smile at the memory of Zayn covered in the stuff.

Zayn joins us once again and Eleanor announces she's going to Nicolette's for the night so I'm responsible for feeding myself. "And Liam, could you clean up a bit?" She hints at the mess I made last night. 

"He knows, it's cool." I chime in just to wipe the smirk off her face.

"Oh, he saw that mess! I had hoped you would have cleaned up before you let him in your room..." She looks disappointed in me.

"Well I didn't give him a choice, I don't care though." Zayn defends.

"Well alright, I guess I'm off then." She shrugs, closing the cupboard doors and stepping back. "I hope you enjoy you're evening, I know I will!" She says in a sing-song voice and laughs, grabbing her purse and heading out. 

"Well Liam, do you want to go get something to eat?" He asks as I lead him to the laundry room to check his clothes. Opening the dryer I shake my head, awkwardly handing him his clothes. "Why not?" He asks sadly popping on his shirt, but leaving the rest alone. "I like your pants better, their looser, more comfy..." He explains.

"I'm not in the mood to go out tonight, but if you want to stay you can." I ask like a child. 

"That sounds good, Li, but let's make food or something, yeah?" He asks leading me back to my kitchen.

"Yeah alright, what do you want?" I ask looking though the fridge. 

"Something easy?" He asks happily.

"Hmm... So no lasagne?" I joke.

"Nah, save that for next time mate, this time I'm good with a sandwich or summat." He shrug

"Well I don't know how to make lasagne to be honest, but how about I make some popcorn, grab some packaged cookies and we can watch a film, yeah?" I offer, grabbing the microwave popcorn.

"Yeah sounds good, but I get to pick the film." He demands.

"Cool, Eleanor is obsessed with collecting DVDs, so we have tons on the shelves on either side of the TV set, and I'll bring the snacks." I point to the entertainment center the tv is hung above. 

"Right." He nods and I watch his perfect form leave the room as I put some popcorn in the microwave and collect other various junk foods.

When I'm done getting all the food I carry it into the living room in trips and set it on the coffee table. Zayn is popping a film into the player and I take a seat in the couch, eating a cookie and taking a sip from my Pepsi.

"Wait!" I shout as Zayn heads over to take a seat next to me. "Turn off the lights first." I beg, my eyelashes like a girl.

"You're so strange." He chuckles before following my orders and taking a seat next to me.

"What film did you pick?" I ask curiously, nibbling on my cookie as Zayn grabs the popcorn.

"The Princess Bride." He smiles settling into the couch. 

The time goes by as we watch the film and we shift and move closer to each other slowly as the minutes pass by. I play with the hem of his sweats for a bit, until we shift so he's tracing my tattoos on my wrist and forearm. Then for a while I'm blessed with the feeling of my head on his shoulder. 

By the time the movie has ended Zayn is laying on top of me, one leg between mine, one outside of mine. His arms cascade down our bodies as we mould to each other's shape. His cheek rests on my chest and our breath is in sync. Although I should probably feel really nervous right now, it just all feels so natural that I'm not even worried he can hear my heart beat. But I bet if he could, his would be keeping time with my own.

As if my an unspoken agreement, he clicks replay on the remote because we're both too happy with the position we're in to move, and it doesn't matter how many times we have to watch this film as long as we're still together. I play with his un styled hair and admire how soft it is. I like watching his eyelids lazily open back up after they've sunk closed, though I can find my own growing heavy. 

I wish we could stay like this forever, frozen in time watching a movie. I wish I didn't have to do this but I'm growing too tired and if Eleanor sees this there is no way she or Nicolette will let this go. I'll be hearing sassy comments till the day I die. And although I consider ignoring that fact, I know this couch will kill my back by morning, so I find the motivation to get up. 

"Zayn, hey Z, it's cool if you sleep over, but we should go to my bed. This couch sucks and El will be back tomorrow morning and she'll bug me about it." I drop my hands from his hair and back to his hips to give them a playful squeeze. 

"Yeah, alright..." He yawns and gets up lazily, only to dart to my bedroom before I can even sit up. 

When I get to my room I find what appears to be a named Zayn, but seeing as I only see the sweatpants and tank top on the ground, I figure he must be wearing his boxers. I once again have to remind myself that this doesn't mean he's in my bed for me as I strip down myself and crawl into bed. 

"I'm a hugger." He warns.

"I'm a tree." I yawn. 

"Huh?" He whispers, snuggling closer to me.

"Nevermind, it's a joke." I shake my head and adjust myself into my pillows.

"Oh. Tree-hugger. That's really lame." He snorts and I feel his breath on my shoulder. I let it take me over and soon I'm lulled to sleep by his gentle breaths and rhythmic heart beat. 

I wake up with Zayn palming me through my boxers and I gasp for breath. This is all so sudden and I don't know what to do. What's going on? What do I do? Do I encourage him? Do I touch him? 

Before I can think of anything logical to do I'm moaning his name and my hips jerk forward to increase the contact. He bites down on jaw and moves to my lips to kiss me hard and passionately. The amount of want I have is unbelievable. How can he turn me on this much? 

I quickly have a hard on and I can't take it. This isn't enough. I flip us over and start grinding into him and he moans too. Our bare chests bump against each other as I hump him, he's warm and as his arms wrap around my waist moving me to an easier position I suck his neck. This feels amazing and it can't help but yell out. I'm panting his name and he moans in response but that's just too much. Before I can savor any more of this feeling my thrusts get all too sloppy and that feeling deep inside me burns and I reach my climax, destroying my boxers and I don't care how much I yell out. 

He comes right after me with load moans of my name and I collapse next to him. I don't know what this means but I don't ever want it to stop. Just as I think about saying something I'm jerked awake.

Zayn is getting back in he bed because for some reason he was gone. "Hey, you should go clean up man. You're a mess." Zayn pats me on the shoulder as I sit up and takes his place in the bed. 

"Right... Umm, what uh...?" 

"A wet dream I figure." He says shrugging. 

"Umm... Did I say anything?" I ask blushing, rubbing the back of my neck awkwardly.

"I dunno man, I was in the bathroom, wasn't I?" He laughs.

"Yeah," I chuckle and get out of bed. Grabbing a pair of boxers and heading to the bathroom, I hear Zayn let out a deep breath and turn over in the bed. 

Once changed I crawl back in bed, keeping my distance from Zayn in fear of repetition. But despite my attempts to keep to myself, throughout the night we shift and move and by morning we're closer and more tangled than we were on the couch. I like the feeling of his shoulder blades and as I run my fingers over them Zayn purrs in his sleep and I chuckle. I'm not sure if it's the chuckle or the touching, but he stirs. 

"Morning." His voice is rough and sexy. I smile as his eyelashes flutter so his eyes adjust to the light. I don't know what's going to happen here, or what this means, but I know that I could get used to waking up in bed with Zayn. Whether if it's as boyfriends or best friends, he has to stay in my life. I need him. And I think he needs me too. 

"Morning." I smile, running my fingers through his hair. I smile at nothing in particular. Or maybe I'm smiling at everything. I don't know, but Zayn is smiling too so I don't really care right now.


	6. Opinionated People

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liam gets overwhelmed and he doesn't know what to think

Chapter 6: 

 

Zayn had to go to the shop so I'm left in my apartment to think about everything, of course with constant interjections from Eleanor and Nicolette. 

"I just don't see how it's confusing?!" Eleanor huffs in frustration. "Nicolette and I didn't have that much trouble! We sure as hell told each other we liked each other before we slept in the same bed." She smirks.

"It wasn't like that! This was friendly! Just friendly... Like a sleep over! Surely you had sleepovers with friends who were girls." I roll my eyes.

"Yeah, in highschool, but I didn't like them. If I did, I went out of my way to make sure they thought I didn't like them. Never have I just slept in the same bed with my crush who also likes girls. This wasn't friendly if you were both thinking of each other ask possible partners." She points out.

"Well we weren't so." I shrug, forcing myself to sound natural.

"Liar." Nicolette laughs.

"Shut up! I am not!" I grunt in frustration. I'm actually quite convinced that it was just friendly on Zayn's part. If it were anything else... Wouldn't something have happened? Especially with the dream I had... We just slept in the same bed. That doesn't mean anything. We're both happen to like guys. That doesn't mean we like each other. (Well I mean I do, but that' stealth not the point.) 

"Look Liam, I'm sorry you're an idiot, but he likes you." Eleanor rubs my shoulder. 

"Everyone knows it, too not just us." Nicolette interjects.

"You people frustrate me." I roll my eyes and adjust myself on the couch. The girls and I are watching a film and I'm just annoyed because they seem to be mislead about who I am, and who Zayn is. Zayn is so nice, funny and talented, not to mention how hot he is... I'm just, not the type of guy Zayn would go for. After giving it some thought this morning, I decided that Zayn wasn't talking about me in reference to his ability to get excited. If he was... He probably wouldn't tell me.

"You're deluded." Eleanor shouts at me as I get up to go to the kitchen for a drink. 

"I'm just being realistic." I shout back as I open the fridge. I see the pitcher of Kool-aid and chuckle at the memory of Zayn drenched in the red drink.

I wish it was as simple as Nicolette and Eleanor's relationship... Granted they were crushing on each other for months before the officially met, but still. I dip back into the living room to see the two of them snuggling on the couch. Is it so bad that I'm living vicariously through them? Just as I come to the conclusion that I'm being rather creepy, Nicolette's eyes flicker up to mine from the couch.

"What?" she asks.

"Nothing." I say sheepishly, looking at the ground.

"Liam... I'm sorry that you can't see how truly amazing you are, and that you are able to be loved." She smiles, reading my mind. That's the thing about Nicolette... she may be sassy and fun, but when you need her, she's actually a really good person to talk to when you're feeling lost. She rises to the challenge of making someone feel better, which I can tell is another reason El likes her so much. Nicolette completes her, and I love her to bits for that.

"Yeah... thanks." I bite my lip. She's right of course. I do have trouble believing I can be loved... For many reasons I feel... inadequate. One of those reasons being Elliot... It wasn't his fault of course - It wasn't anyone's... but still, he broke me even more than I was already. I stand there in the doorway remembering everything. Everything about him that I try to forget from his dark, feathered hair, to the silver bracelet he never takes off. 

 

It was a the summer I turned 16 and I met him at a concert. He was head banging to Maroon 5 and I was sat next to him. I can still remember his smile as if it were yesterday. I can still hear his laugh. He was the first guy I was... "in love with." I spent so much time obsessing over him it was stupid. 

That summer we got really close and we rarely ever slept at our own houses without the other. It was always me and him, in one of our beds. It was always me and him going to get take away food. Him and me listening to music together. Him and me. Me and him.

I found myself falling for him. His muscles showed through his form-fitting v-neck tee's, which he always paired with stylish dark jeans, and plain white Keds. He kept his black hair styled and he always, no matter what, smelled of cinnamon. I like cinnamon.

I tried to deny it at first, I didn't have feelings for him. He was too good of a friend. Just a friend. I couldn't, cause he didn't, so I wouldn't. But I quickly got confused and thought he was hinting. I thought him offering to split his food with me meant more than it did. I somehow convinced myself he liked me, too. I convinced myself we could be together, and that we would be forever. I was so young and stupid.

When I finally told him, it was a disaster - on my part, not his. Instead of telling him how I felt, I just made a move on him. He dropped me off at my house one morning and I just leaned over and kissed him. He shifted his head and I ended up kissing the corner of his mouth. 

Suprisingly he didn't flip out or anything. He looked me in the eyes and told me simply he wasn't interested. For one thing he was straight, and for another thing, we're just friends. I laughed it off and said it was all good.

I've avoided him ever since.

Didn't even ask for any of my stuff back. I'm convinced he still has my old iPod, but I was too humiliated to face him. I don't even think I could handle seeing him now. Even though he was really kind about it, and didn't make fun of me or anything, he was the first guy I really liked - and the first one I kissed. I'm not really embarrassed about liking him now, but if I saw him in the grocery store, I would still be embarrassed about avoiding him for what? ... 4 years? more? 

 

"Maybe you could just text him?" Eleanor interupts my thoughts of Elliot.

"Yeah... I'll do that." I nod and shake out the thoughts of Elliot. In my room I grab my phone. The last text is from Zayn from yesterday when he was blowing up my phone in anxiety.

Zayn: I'm coming over, I'm worried.

I smile at the incredible 37 messages from Zayn, not to mention the 15 calls.

Liam: How's work?

I set my phone down and turn to walk away but my phone already vibrates with a response.

Zayn: Just finished a unicorn tattoo on a girls "inner hip" :(

I laugh, picturing Zayn tattooing a sparkly unicorn on some random girl's crotch is too much.

Liam: that pretty much sucks

Zayn: pretty much

Liam: What are you doing now?

Zayn: working on your tattoo

Liam: really?

Zayn: yup :)

Liam: Can I have a hint?

Zayn: nope :)

Liam: !! please?

Zayn: you're rules babe, not mine

Liam: well than I should get to change it if it's my rule

Zayn: nope

Liam: why not?

Zayn: because it was my game ;)

Liam: I hate you

Zayn: You love me

Liam: nope

Zayn: yep

Liam: maybe a little

Zayn: maybe a lot

Liam: whatever

Zayn: it's okay, me too

Liam: yeah?

Zayn: yeah.

 

Even though I feel like I could text Zayn back and forth all day, my phone all the sudden rings and it's Ed.

"Hey Ed, what's up?" I ask, trying to contain my happiness from texting Zayn.

"Liam, you have to get down here right away. The album comes out in a month, your song comes out tonight, but I forgot to get you to sign the forms. Please come down right now." Ed pants out of breath.

"I don't understand." These things are planned for months in advance, who let this happen?

"Everything is ready to go, but I forgot to have you sign the contract. Look, it's a long story, just come down here right now! I just need you to sign some stuff before we release it." He explains and I rush to get my stuff together.

"What do you mean release it though?" I ask confused.

"It's the first single." Ed says as if I should already know. "It's a surprise release! Didn't anyone tell you?"

"No, evidentally I'm the one being surprised here." I pant as I run past the girls on the couch and out the door, offering no explanation whatsoever.

"I know this is really strange and unprofessional, but I forgot to make it official by signing one stupid form! I got everything else, but this one stupid form and suddenly the world ends." he says in a mocking tone as if someone told him that and he's holding it against them. "Anyway, we're releasing it tonight a midnight, and I need you! The album comes out in a month. It's all done and sent in, but I accidentally forgot to have you sign a certain contract and my manager is going to be here in an hour to scream at me if I don't get you to sign it." He talks quickly and sounds embarrassed.

"Wow okay, I'm on my way." I hang up on him and head down the street towards the studio.

When I finally get to the studio I find Ed asleep on the red velvet couch with a guitar in his hands.

"Ed, Ed wake up." I poke his tummy until he stirs. 

"What?" He mumbles.

"I'm here to sign something very important." I poke him with each word.

"Oh yeah!" He jumps up and grabs the paper on the table. He hands it to me with a pen and tells me to sign everywhere there's a blue sticky flag. Once I'm done he finally relaxes and I join him next to the couch.

"So how's it going with Zayn?" He asks blantantly.

"I don't know to be honest." I shrug.

"Well Eleanor told me she found you asleep together this morning." He smirks.

"I'm sorry when did you talk to Eleanor?" I ask confused.

"She sent a photo in a group message with me, Nicolette, and your mom." He pulls out his phone and shows me the photo. It's a cute picture, Zayn and I asleep together. His leg in between my legs laying over my chest. 

"You all text?" I ask.

"Occasionally." He shrugs.

"Of course." I roll my eyes. "Well that was just a friendly sleep over. Like Elliot." I point out.

"Mate, I get being cautious I do. You take your time with this, we just want you to be happy." He pats me on the back and the door flies open.

I'm here! I'm here, where are the papers?" Hannah throws her long blond hair behind her shoulder and rushes over to us. Ed simply points to the papers on the table and she happily signs them. Hannah is another writer that Ed works with. She's really cool, we've hung out a few times and she's a very talented singer. She's also writing on this album.

"There." She huffs, capping the pen and joining the two of us on the big red couch. "Now Ed, why don't you explain to us why all of this happened?" She asks with a voice of authority.

"I just forgot! How am I suppose to remember this stuff? You guys are my friends first and foremost, how am I supposed to remember trapping you in a contract? That's what my manager's for!" He says frustrated.

"Yeah mate, but your manager was on vacation with his family, leaving you in charge for the tiniest amount of time." I chuckle at his incompetance.

"Shut up." He puts his head in his hands, elbows on his knees. "I screwed up alright? This suprise album thing is hard, and it's out in a month and your single is out tonight. I just. I wish I didn't make everything happen this fast. If I had given myself more time... I don't know." He grunts.

"Ed, do you like the album?" Hannah says comfortingly.

"Yeah, 'course I do." He says in shock she would even ask such a thing. 

"Well then everything's fine! You're done for now, so go home and let your team do the rest. It's not just you and your music. You're not alone." She rubs him on the back and stands up. 

"Now let's all go out and get some lunch, yeah? Your manager will come by, pick up the forms, and leave. It's all good. One last lunch before Liam becomes a super star for that sick song?" Hannah grabs her red bag that matches her tights. She's always very fashionable. Right now she's wearing a black crop top and her high heels make her legs look long, so you'd never know how short she really is.

"Yeah alright, I think Ed here needs to relax a bit anyway." I chuckle, standing up. 

"Right." Ed joins us out the door and out of the studio. 

We choose to go to McDonalds because it's simple and to be honest I haven't been in a while. I get a chicken sandwich with fries and the others got burgers. We talked about the album and life in general when all the sudden Ed shouted out, "Wait! Let's take a selfie! That way when the song comes out tonight the fans will know we were together and stuff and I don't know but let's just do it." He smiles taking out his phone. 

Hannah was to my left and Ed on my right in the picture that Ed posted on his twitter. We were all smiling and he captioned it with "...give me a friend, let all the good times flood in..." a lyric from Where We Land. 

"Nice one." I laugh, standing up to get some icecream. "Do you guys want anything?" I ask. Ed shakes his head and Hannah nods. 

"Milkshake, strawberry." she smiles happily and thanks me.

When I return to the table with the icecream I hand Hannah hers and she offers to pay me back but I won't have it. "I am about to have a hit single after all," I joke. 

"Alright well, I better get going, I have a very important Spiderman movie waiting for me at home." She laughs, standing up and tucking her silky hair behind her ear and putting dark sunglasses over her brilliant blue eyes. 

"Sounds amazing." I laugh at my own joke.

"L.O.L." She rolls her eyes with a small laugh.

"Yeah okay, I'll drive us back to the studio so you can get your cars." Ed gets up and leads us out of the building. 

"So what's this I hear about you and a certain tattoo artist named Zayn Malik?" She asks in the car.

"Ed?" I groan, "What did you do? Tweet it?" I ask annoyed.

"No but I can!" He offers.

"Don't." I say quickly.

"So... is he cute?" She asks and Ed hands me his phone. 

"Umm..." 

"The picture, show her the picture from this morning." He says like a kid being told a bedtime story.

"Oh," I open up his messages and show Hannah the picture. 

"Oh my glob, I want one!" She pouts, taking the phone in her own hands and licking her lips.

"Too bad!" I rip the phone away, quickly growing jealous, "this one's mine. Or at least I hope he will be soon..." I confess and discreetly text myself the picture before deleting the text and handing it back to Ed.

"Why isn't he yet, he looks pretty yours in that picture." she points out with a wiggle of her eyebrows.

"That was just a friendly sleepover." I shrug.

"Oh, okay." She rolls her eyes.

"No, really, I just... Shut up nobody likes you." I pout, only earning a chorus of laughter from both her and Ed. 

"Oh good we're here!" I smile and get out of the car as it comes to a stop. 

"He looooooves you!" Ed shouts from his car.

"We only say this because we care!" Hannah yells, running to her own.

Everyone seems to have their own opinions on my relationship, like it's either going to quickly, or too slowly. Everyone says it's because they care, and that they love and support me. But I'm just having a hard time thinking that. Nobody said anything when I got tattoos specifically for Zayn, but as soon as I let him sleep in my bed we're either moving too fast and we should talk about what we are, or we're going to slowly and I should ask him out and make it more than friendly.

It bugs me that they all have their opinions though they don't know the whole story. They don't know the things we talk about together. They don't know about the things we do. They don't know all the shit that Zayn has looked over. I had a wet dream while he was sleeping in the same bed and he's still my best friend for crying out loud! Everyone else... well... they only know what I let them know, and in the end... they don't know about us. 

I'm going to keep doing my own thing. Maybe we have to take some time to become what we will become. Nicolette and Eleanor happened so quickly... and that's great for them really, but maybe we're different. The girls got together as partners quickly, Zayn and I became best friends quickly. And hopefully soon we'll be more, but I'm not going to risk anything by changing anything. I need him in my life, and for now he needs me in his. I'm not going to change that by screwing it up. 

 

"Where have you been?" Eleanor asks semi-worriedly. "You just storm out of here and stay out for 3 hours. No texts, no calls, nothing." She's a bit annoyed.

"Ed had an album emergency, it's all good now." I explain. I'm a little annoyed at her, too, to be honest. 

"Okay... well I wanted to talk to you about Zayn." She leans against my door frame.

"What about him." I roll my eyes but she doesn't see cause I'm turned away.

"I just... I'm sorry about what Nicolette and I said." She admits. "I get that you have trouble with accepting love, and I shouldn't provoke you with that." 

"Can we not say love?" I ask. "Love is a really big word." I shutter.

"Sure," she chuckles because I just proved her point right there. "You just need higher self-esteem, maybe the single will do that." she points out.

"Maybe... Hannah agrees with you by the way." I'm reminded of her. "She thinks I need to ask him out or something, but I'm just not ready for something that... it's just too much, I'm scared." I confess and throw myself on the bed. 

"I know." she nods and strokes my hair. "You take your time. And I'm here to support you, alright?" she asks and I nod.

"I'm going to shopping, want to come with me?" she asks.

"Sure." I nod and get up. 

"Good, because I need you're opinion on dresses." She smiles and drags me along with her. 

Wow, I'm doing 2 things in one day... this is a record.

In the car my phone buzzes in my pocket and I get it out, handing it to Eleanor to read.

"Where are you right now?" she reads. "it's from Zayn." 

"Text, 'On my way to the mall'." my eyebrows crease in confusion and I turn on the blinker for the next corner.

"Does he usually ask stuff like that?" She asks after sending the message.

"No." I respond and my phone immediately buzzes.

"It reads 'By yourself?'" Eleanor says.

"Tell him, 'with El'. He's being weird." I admit, pulling into a parking spot.

"He says, 'oh.'" she hands me the phone and I see the message for myself. This is odd. "He's being... nosey." She can't find the right word but I go to text him back.

Liam: why?

Zayn: Ed tweeted a picture of you and some girl

Liam: Her name is Hannah

Zayn: sure, who is she?

Liam: she's a singer/songwriter, she's working with Ed on this album, like me

Zayn: oh

Liam: why?

Zayn: I thought you were at home and I see that

Liam: after I texted you Ed called me, I had to sign some paperwork, then we went to lunch at Micky D's 

Zayn: right, sorry

Liam: what did you think? That I turned straight for Hannah? What about Ed? 

Zayn: I've heard of Ed, he's straight, and just a friend. Hannah is a very pretty girl I've never een told about

Liam: Are you turning straight for Hannah?

Zayn: no! nevermind, have fun with Eleanor

Liam: If I meet any special GUYS I'll tell you, but I don't plan on it

Zayn: I'm sorry, that was presumtuous and stupid

Liam: it's okay, green looks good on you

Zayn: no it doesn't, no I'm not, shut up

Liam: :P

Zayn: XP go

Liam: going

Eleanor has been trying on dresses in the dressing room throughout the time I've been texting Zayn and I occassionally tell her what I think.

"So what was that about?" She asks as I put away my phone, sporting a pink sundress.

"I think he was mad I didn't tell him I went to lunch with Ed and Hannah." I say unsure.

"Was he jealous of Ed?" She asks, deciding against the dress and taking it off.

"No, he was upset I never told him about Hannah." I frown.

"But... You've had no reason to bring up Hannah... It's just Hannah! You're gay, and she likes gay guys, but not like that." She looks confused.

"I don't know El, I don't really want to read into it too much." I explain, handing her a blue dress that I really like.

"So it doesn't make you, I don't know... happy? That he was jealous you were hanging out with a pretty girl he didn't know?" She asks, taking the dress and slipping it on.

"It makes me sad he doesn't trust me." I shrug.

"I don't think that's it at all!" She defends, "I think he just didn't like thinking you were at home as bored as he was, but found out you were with pretty, famous people." She explains.

"Yeah, maybe... still. I don't want to think about it too much because all it does is confuse me." I say and gather up the pile of no-goes to take out of the dressing room.

"Alright, could you go get the one maybe dress that we saw. The yellow one? I think that might be a yes." She adjusts herself in the dress and I nod before leaving. 

For the rest of the day I try to focus on things that don't confuse me. Like my music. I wrote a song that will be released tonight at midnight. I'm going to be tweeted and retweeted and downloaded everywhere. My song is going to be on someone's iPod. It may be insane to think about, but it's easier to grasp than Zayn's jeleasy. That... That's just too much.

It's been a crazy, emotional day. And I honestly don't know what more to think, or say. I'm stressed, I'm tired and I need chocolate. It's almost as if all the emotions and stress, and worry I should've felt for the past few weeks has hit me suddenly, and it just might knock me to the ground.


	7. Drunken Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zayn comes clean about what really happens the night Liam had a wet dream.

Chapter 7:

 

I wake up with Eleanor shaking me awake at 5 in the morning telling me she's leaving for Nicolette's for the weekend and that my phone has gone off at least 7 times since she's woken up. I lazily get up and check my messages which all tell me to check the music charts in both the UK and America. Hannah, my mum, Ed, Ed's team, all demanding I check immediately.

I take my phone to the kitchen to get a cuppa and Google the music billboards. With a sip of my tea and a scroll of my finger, a cliché is played out as I take a spit take all over the counter top. I wipe my mouth and look back to the screen.

Number 1 in the UK and Number 3 in America! Wow... that's insane. I shove a bagel in my mouth and run to my bedroom to get dressed. Then I remember that it's 5 am and choose to go back to bed until normal people are awake.

At a normal hour, (about 9:30) I get up and drag my lazy ass out of bed. Showering and getting dressed I have my song on repeat the entire time, which seems really stupid and self-involved but it makes me happy.

This opens so many doors for me in the future. I can't even think properly I'm so excited. Although I can't picture myself being, "famous", this does mean changes - financial and professional. It's everything that I've ever wanted, and yet it's nothing I'll ever need. Well that's simply everything I wanted to say in a sentence.

Once again I walk up the familiar path way to the tattoo shop with the tinted windows that read "Kilam Nyaz" and open the door. Waliyha greets me as usual and tells me to just head back. Her hair in a bun to give off an official vibe but it's overshadowed by her game of angry birds on her phone.

"Hey guess what!" I run up to a very scruffy Zayn and bring him in my arms for an excited hug. He's wearing a tank top again and it might kill me. It matches his black baggy skinny jeans and overstuffed skater-boy converse. He's even wearing a snap back and hipster glasses.

"You found a million dollars?" He guesses with his face snuggled in my neck.

"Better! My song is doing really, really well and I want a tattoo to celebrate!" I plop down on the bench and roll up my sleeve.

"Yeah?" He asks, clearing off his desk and gathering up the proper stuff. "I heard it was number 3 in America." He smirks.

"Isn't that amazing? America! That's like, every writer's dream isn't it?" I ask.

"Yeah, this doesn't mean you're going to move there and forget about me, does it?" He jokes.

"Of course not! I'm here to stay, and I don't think this is going to bring me much fame to be honest. But it doesn't matter because everyone is buying it and loving it, and playing it, and learning the words!" I pump myself up.

"I know! I bought it." He admits.

"No you didn't." I challenged, shocked.

"Wanna bet?" he pulls out his phone and shows me his music. Sure enough, my name is listed beside Where We Land and the count is up to 2,564 plays.

"What? You've played it over two thousand time? That's like... I don't know 100 hours?" I ask shocked.

"Oh, yeah... well when I really like a song I play it constantly on loop until I get sick of it then I never listen to it again." He blushes.

"Well don't get sick of my song!" I demand, handing him back his phone.

"I haven't yet." He smirks. "What are you permanently etching into your body today?" He asks, taking a seat on the tattooing chair.

"More writing." I smile grabbing the binder from the shelf under his desk and flipping through it. "I want..." I point to a cursive-ish font, "this font, and I want it to say this." I say grabbing out a square of paper out of my pocket and unfolding it, spreading it across the table.

"I really like it," he smiles and grabs the purple stencil pen.

"Yeah?" I ask, finally just taking off my jacket in frustration in my lack of ability to roll up the sleeve.

"Yeah it's very... I like that it has meaning and it will always remind you of the time you got a hit in America." He smiles, starting on the design. "What part of your arm?"

"Right here." I point out the place along my arm and lay back against the bench. I prefer lying rather than sitting up.

As usual Zayn keeps me steady with his voice and somehow, I'm not entirely sure how we got to this, but somehow we got to the topic of our first loves. I told him of Elliot, he told me of a guy called Grayson Peak. He liked comic books, and he wore hipster glasses. He was a brunette, but he died his hair different colors all the time. I quickly came to loath him.

Apparently, he was really cool. Always showering Zayn with presents, always really nice and supportive through the tough times. He liked to write stories in his spare time and that made me hate him even more. Just the thought of him being good at something, or being cool drove me crazy. Grayson. Eww.

"What happened?" I ask, holding back the annoyance in my voice.

"My difficulty in bed came between us." His voice cracks.

"What do you mean?" I grind my teeth, trying not to picture Zayn in bed with Grayson.

"He was... intolerant... I guess you could say... of my inability... to get it up." He speaks slowly in between tattooing.

"Oh, I'm really sorry." I frown.

"Don't be, it wasn't meant to be." He shrugs.

"Hey, I really am sorry-" I say but he starts to protest, "-no really! Nobody should ditch you because of that." I shake my head, and he just nods in acceptance and keeps working.

I love watching Zayn work. I know I've said it before, but his eyes are so determined, and his tongue sticks out of his teeth as his mouth hangs open a little. I don't know how I could stand the pain without being able to watch him. His breaths soothe me and his over all look of confidence makes me feel safe.

His voice makes me feel safe. He makes me feel safe. I don't want to feel the things I'm feeling because the idea that I might l... that he might be the... Oh god. I'm going to be-

"Doin' all right there?" Zayn breathes and brings me back.

"Yeah." I let out a deep breathe and smile. Even if I do lo-, even if I care about Zayn deeply... I don't think I'm going to get hurt this time.

"Good, because you're phone is buzzing and you might want to answer it." He chuckles.

"Oh, right." I dig my phone out of my jacket and answer it.

"Hey mate, what's happening." I hear the familiar writer's voice on the other end.

"Hey, Ed, I'm in the middle of a tattoo right now, what do you need?" I ask wincing a little at the pain and Zayn draws back a bit.

"Sweet, what's the tattoo?" He asks, ignoring my hint that I'm busy.

"Umm, it's text on my forearm. It says, 'Everything I Wanted, But Nothing I'll Ever Need.' On my left forearm." I explain.

"Nice, is that related to Zayn, too?" Ed asks and my breath hitches.

"Uh-you needed something?" I hiss in an attempt to get him back on track.

"No need to be embarrassed, I have tons of tattoos, granted I don't usually get them for girls, but if you think he's worth it, I mean to each his own-"

"Ed! Why did you call?"

"Oh yeah! We're going to go out to a club to celebrate the hit you wrote me, you obviously have to come." He demands.

"You know I don't drink," I remind Ed.

"Well we'll eat dinner at like 9, before going to the club, yeah? You can bring Zayn." He offers, sounding like a school-girl.

"Yeah alright, I'll ask'm, call you later?" I ask.

"Alright, see ya man." He chuckles and hangs up. I replace my phone in my pocket and refocus my attention to Zayn.

"What's goin' on?" Zayn asks, wiping some ink from my arm.

"Do you want to come to dinner tonight?" I ask blatantly.

"I-"

"Ed wants to celebrate the single doing well, and I don't drink, we're going to dinner, then a club." I explain before I get rejected, quite sure he'd say no if I asked him out to dinner.

"Yeah, that sounds fun. Are Eleanor and Nicolette coming?" He asks curiously.

"Nah, they went to visit Nicolette's parents this weekend anyway." I explain.

"Oh, cool." He nods, "Do you want me to pick you up? Or is Ed driving, or you?" He asks a bit nervously if I say so myself.

"Um, Ed usually likes to take a cab because he gets wasted, I'll drive you if you want... pick you up 8:30? I ask.

"Yeah aright." He nods and smiles that amazing smile of his. "Can I ask you something?" He bites his lip.

"You can ask me anything." I smile, hoping he doesn't ask me anything.

"What do you need?" He points to the tattoo.

Oh.

"Friends and family." I smile.

"That's a really good answer." He smirks.

"Shut up no it's not." I would shove him, but he has a needle in my arm so.

"You neeeed meee." He laughs, his voice going up and down.

"I said I need my friends, you're my enemy." I chuckle. "Always causing me pain."

"I'm your best friend." He rolls his eyes.

"Nuh uh." I challenge.

"A best friendship happens fast - it's an instant connection. A best friend loves you unconditionally, would do anything for you and even though they sometimes hurt you, they always make up for it and you always come back to them. You're not afraid of making them mad or scaring them away, so you can be yourself. Has anyone else seen the things you let me see?" He nearly whispers.

"No." I admit.

"See? But, even if I'm not your best friend, you're mine." He smiles.

"Yeah, you're my best friend Z." I return his smile though his is perfect, grabbing his thigh gently giving it a squeeze.

"Good, now...." He finishes and wipes it down gently, "Check out your tattoo and love it." He pushes me up toward the mirror.

"I love it, just like always." I run my fingers over it before bandaging it up.

"Good." He says and walks me to the front room. He swipes my card, presses some buttons and hands it back. "I love it too, course I love them all. Now you go home and spend the next 4 hours obsessing over what you're going to wear tonight. By the way, you look best in white I think." He shoves me out the door before shouting, "I'll text you the address." And that's that.

 

Zayn was right, I am obsessing about what I'm wearing tonight. Even though this isn't an actual date, it' still dinner and clubbing with Zayn Beyonce Malik and no matter what we label it as, this means something.

Rummaging through my closet and not being able to find anything I collapse into a pile on top of my laundry. I don't know what to wear and I'm not sure how to do my hair. I tried on a white outfit but I looked like a marshmallow and I realized that Zayn might have said he liked white on me, but he didn't say how much. Sometime during my state of panic my phone rings and I fear the shrill noise.

"Hello?" I pout, not even checking to see who it is.

"Baby what's wrong?" My mum asks worriedly.

"Mum! Wow, hi!" I instantly perk up before remembering my situation.

"Hi, what's going on?" I can hear her frown.

"I don't have any clothes and I'm going out tonight." I huff in frustration.

"Who is he?" She asks presumptuously.

"How'd you know?" I'm surprised.

"Honey you have more clothes than I do, and in the rare times you leave the house, you don't usually care what you're wearing." She laughs.

"Oh."

 

"So?" She pushes. "Who is he?"

"His name is Zayn Malik, he's a tattoo artist." I say with caution. My mother isn't the biggest fan of tattoos.

"Wow, okay. What is he like?" She giggles like a high school girl.

"He's reserved... Very funny... Really talented..." I trail off and she interrupts me.

"Is he cute?" she asks excitedly.

"I think so." I shrug, blushing so hard I'm glad she can't see me.

"Do you have a picture?" She asks and I freeze.

"No." I say too forcefully.

"Yes you do! Why won't you let me see it?" She asks.

"I don't-"

"Liam James Payne, you text me that photo or you can forget about homemade cookies the next time I see you." She demands, and though it's not much of a threat, I reluctantly text the picture to her. 

"Aw," She says, "You two are adorable."

"Thanks, now not to be rude, but why did you call?" I ask, tearing apart my closet.

"I just called to congratulate you on your song doing well, it just came on the radio a bit ago and I flipped out!" She laughs in awe. 

"Really? That's incredible!" I laugh with her but quickly remember that's why we're going out and that's why I'm freaking out. "Mum I have to go! I love you!" I yell and hang up.

A few hours later my hair is spiked up in a quiff and I'm wearing a white shirt with grey sleeves, black jeans, and white converse. I'm freaking out but I calm myself with music as I wear down the carpet by pacing back and forth.

When it's time to go, I get in my car, and keep breathing until I arrive at the address Zayn texted me. Breath in. Breath out. 

The funny thing is that as soon as Zayn gets in the car, I let out a final breath filled with tension, and the next one I breath in is calm and I instantly feel better.

"Hey, are you ready to go?" I ask and Zayn nods. 

"I like your shirt." He smiles, buckling his seatbelt.

"Thanks, I like yours too." I smile, admiring his red and black plaid button up shirt over a white long-sleeved shirt and blue jeans. His hair is styled down instead of up in something almost anime-like.

"Thanks." He smiles and turns on the radio. I like that he feels so comfortable in my car. But then suddenly, my song comes on and I don't know what to do. 

"I- is that? Umm, you can change it." I offer, rubbing the back of my neck awkwardly.

"You want to turn it up a little don't you?" He predicts with a smirk. 

"Little bit."

"Me too!" He laughs and turns it up, leaning back in his seat to enjoy.

As cheesy as this is, we sing along to the entire thing, me doing my parts, Zayn doing Ed's. And to be quite honest, it's the most fun I've had in a while.

At the restaurant, Zayn and I are seated with Ed, Harry, Hannah, and Dylan. I've only met Dylan once. He's Hannah's boyfriend and he's pretty cool - blonde hair, blue eyes, and the definition of jock. Harry however is Ed's friend and he screams hipster. Everything about him is Tumblr-worthy and his thigh gap is wider than his curly hair. 

"I didn't know she'd be joining us." Zayn hisses in my ear, glaring at Hannah who is occupied, laughing with Dylan about something.

"Please Zayn, if there's anyone you should be worried about it's Harry, he's actually a guy, or in case you've forgotten, I'm gay." I whisper back with a chuckle. I'm not sure why Zayn is so concerned, but I'm kind of getting a kick out of it.

"Should I? Be worried?" He asks with a sudden worry. 

"No, he has a boyfriend and I'm not interested." I whisper, taking a seat next to Ed and Zayn nods, taking the seat next to me. It's a circular table that goes: Me - Ed - Harry - Hannah - Dylan - Zayn and back to me.

"Did you get hear alright?" Ed asks, sipping his wine and I grab my water.

"No, we died a few times on the way over." I joke and he shakes his head in laughter.

"Right, sorry." He laughs.

The dinner is filled with good food, bad jokes, and endless toasts so that everyone but me is off to a good buzzed start before we even get to the club. By the end of the dinner, Hannah has her hand on Dylan's thigh, which strangely enough, seems to be a relief to Zayn. Ed convinces Harry to come to the club with us and we're off. 

Since we all came in different vehicles, but I'm the only one sober, I drive and we all promise to take care of getting ourselves home. Zayn's not too drunk yet and he can still form coherent sentences in the car ride over, so we talk about how tonight's going to go.

"So, you're not going to drink at all tonight?" Zayn asks, fixing his hair a bit.

"Nope, I don't drink." I smile. 

"Is that a personal decision or..." He trails off.

"I was born with a lot of medical problems, leaving me with only one functioning kidney. For most of my life, I haven't been able to drink, not even too much water, for most of my life. A year or so ago I got news that it's fixed itself somehow, but I choose to abstain so there's no risks." I explain quietly.

Even though it's not to personal and I don't mind if other people know, I don't want to disturb any of the others in the back seats, though they all seem pretty occupied in their own conversations.

"Oh, then I won't get too drunk." He offers.

"Not at all! You get smashed enough for the both of us." I smile. "Really, I don't mind cleaning up your vomit." I say genuinely. 

"Well okay, but just remember that you said that, I don't want to know who to blame when I do something stupid." He chuckles. 

At the club hot bodies dance and grind against each other and we all kind of split up a bit. Ed is dragging Harry up to the karaoke stage, Dylan is leading Hannah to the dance floor, and I lead Zayn over to the bar. It's a bit calmer over there and I know Zayn will want a drink. 

"So are you going to do any scouting?" Zayn asks, sipping on the clear drink in his hand.

"Nah that's why I brought you." I joke.

"Well then," Zayn drains his drink and sets it down on the table, "I should be a good date shouldn't I?" He smirks, grabbing my hand and dragging me out to the dance floor.

Zayn's actually a pretty good dancer and I'm shocked at how comfortable he is with his body. I wouldn't have the balls to do the things he's doing whether it's for a laugh or not. Although some of his moves are pretty sexy. I find myself dancing along, moving my hips to the beat of the music and the hot bodies around us push us closer.

I see Hannah and Dylan dancing a few feet away from us and they are being a bit more physical than we are. Zayn follows my glance and when he sees how Hannah movies he bites his lip, twirling me around and yanking me nearer, making me move with his body.

He's saying things I can't hear over the music but soon I understand when he leads me back to the bar. His breath smells of vodka and he asks for another drink. "I'm running low on confidence." He jokes, taking a big gulp of his new drink. I don't know how fast Zayn gets drunk, or how many drinks he's had, so I don't know if he would move like that sober. 

He had a few glasses of wine at dinner, and now he's pouring a third drink, a vodka cherry sour I think, and grabbing me once more to the dance floor. 

The rest of the night goes like this until Zayn is absolutely pissed and I have to help him off the dance floor. I find myself laughing at the almost child-like behavior of the supposed bad-boy poured over my arms. The cute things he says make me smile as I walk him to the car and buckle him in.

"Liam, Leeyum, are we going to Hogwarts? Can we fly - can this fly - is dad going to be mad at us for stealing his car?" he panics.

"No, we're going home, don't worry, you're dad told me we can borrow the car." I lie to comfort him, brushing the hair away from his forehead to soothe his worry. 

"What about mom?" He asks lightly.

"She wants to know how it rides." I smile, closing the door and crossing over to the other side to get in. 

"Am I a better dancer than Hannah?" He pouts. 

"I don't really know to be honest, I wasn't really paying attention to Hannah." I buckly my seat belt and start the car.

"Well do you think I'm a good dancer?" He asks again. 

"Yes, you're very talented." I nod, glancing behind me before pulling out.

"I'm tired, Li." He yawns before falling asleep.

I consider driving him home, but I'm not really in the mood to drag him up 6 flights of stairs back at his apartment, so I take him to my flat, where he can be a complete puddle of alcohol just as easily.

"Liyyyyyyyyyummm!" Zayn sings while his body is limp in my arms. "Liam! Liam!" He try's to get my attention though he already has it, "Liammmm, I want to touch you." He giggles and resists me when I try to pull him out of the car.

"You are touching me, Z." I point out, not understanding how 10 minutes of sleep somehow gave him so much more energy.

"Noooo, I wanna touch yooooouuu! Like, ooh, remember the other night?! No... No you dooooonnnnn't." His voice peaks early in 'don't', everything he says in a very giggly, secretive, even taunting voice.

"What are you talking about Zaynie?" I ask lightly, carrying his weight as we walk up to the empty flat.

"I'll tell you but you have to keep it a secret." He sings, adding a "shh," at the end gesturing with his finger pressed against his lips. 

"Alright, I won't tell." I promise.

"You were so sexy, Liam, you were so sexy I couldn't help it!" He defends and at this point I would love to know what's going through his head. What is he talking about? "Don't be mad!" He pouts like a child.

"No, I'm not mad Z, tell me what happened." I nearly beg as we stumble through the door.

"We were in bed, and you were sle-E-eping..." He giggles like a kid before continuing, "and dreaming about me-hehe." He smiled in absolute happiness.

"Why would you think that?" I ask as I walk him down the hall to my room. He's right of course, I was dreaming of Zayn when he slept over that night.

"You were moaning," he explains and when he sees my horrified expression he starts to defend himself, "I didn't touch you or anything! I promise, it was just you, but I know you wanted me to." He smirks. 

"What would make you think that?" I'll deny anything if Zayn remembers this when he sobers up.

"You were humping my leg," he says as-a-matter-of-factly, "you're strong too, did you know you were strong? I don't think I could've stopped you even if I tried." He's completely giddy. 

"You didn't try?" I ask holding back a smile, sitting him on my bed.

"Oh I couldn't, Liam! I know that's awful, but I just wanted it too much." He pouts like a frustrated child. "You know how hard it is for me to get it up! I couldn't let that go to waste!"

"You were hard?" I ask not even trying to stop my smile. Zayn's pissed and I'll be shocked if he will remember this later. 

"Oh my god, it hurt so bad, I tried to ignore it, but it was throbbing with every thrust, Li. You were so hot and you kept moaning - moaning my name, encouraging me, I had to wank, honest! It would've fallen off if I hadn't!" He nods as I take off his shirt and skinny jeans. I hear my pulse in my ears as I imagine Zayn masturbating while I thrust into him in my sleep. He was completely awake, 100% sober, and he jerked off in my bed while I moaned his name. 

"Look, you're hard now, too!" He pulls me onto the bed with him, "Let me touch you, Li, I'll be gentle, really I will! Just let me touch you, let me love you." He tugs at my pants and I try to stop him but I don't think I put my heart into it because soon enough he's got my pants off as he kneels on my bed. His hot lips find their way on my abs as he pulls my shirt off too. "Mm, Li, you're so hot. You're the only one that gets me hard." He moans into my stomach. 

His hot tongue runs over my skin and I can't help the throaty groans that are released from my throat. "Oh Zayn." I moan as he palms me through my boxers - This time it's real, and it's so much better than in the dream I had. My head falls back and he swoops up to suck my neck hard, leaving a mark. 

"You're so big, Liam, you're so hard for me." His giggles remind me that he's drunk out of his mind. He probably wouldn't be doing this sober. He probably wouldn't want, me, if he were sober. My face sinks even though he's still touching me and it takes everything I have to resist. 

"Z, stop-stop Zayn, you need to stop." I huff; frustrated for letting myself stop this.

"Of course, yes, I should stop." Zayn says pulling away. He collapses into a pile on the bed and starts crying. "I can't believe I did that. You prolly hate me now! I'm so sorry, Liam, you gotta believe me. I should'a never told you 'bout that night... I can't loose you, please don't leave me." He grips my arm tightly, tears streaking his perfect face.

"No, no, shhh, baby, shhh, I don't hate you Z, I care about you so much, I do." I pull him in my arms and stroke his hair to soothe him.

"Yeah? But I shouldn't have done that..." He says like a kid confessing eating a cookie before dinner.

"Well I wish you had woken me up... But I don't mind." I admit... I can't really hold it against him, I've done some weird shit too.

"I'm gross." He frowns. "I'm a gross person, getting off on you in your sleep."

"Zayn, listen to me. You are not a gross person. I'm a bit flattered actually. I feel special that I can do that to you, when nobody else can. And as far as embarrassing sexual experiences..." I decide that since he's drunk off his ass, I can confess this and he won't remember, "Remember when my room was covered in tissues because I jerked off all night?" He nods. "It was because of you."

"Yeah?" Zayn smiles widely with the tongue thing I like so much. He's so proud and it's adorable.

"Yeah... You and that damn ice cream cone." I shake my head, remembering the torture. 

"Why won't you let me touch you then?" He whines, scratching at my hips giving me goose bumps.

"Because I don't want to take advantage of you." I smile, caressing his jaw with my thumb. 

"You won't be." He snorts. "I've wanted this for so long."

"Then let's wait till you can remember it." I press a small kiss on his nose and his eyes flutter so beautifully. I know this isn't going to happen though... He won't remember, I'm not going to tell him... He doesn't mean any if this... He's just drunk and horny... Then again... It's no lie that I turn him on... But before I can change my mind Zayn is asleep in my arms.


	8. From Black and White

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ink love fear pain okay

Chapter 8:

 

Throughout the night I slip out to the bathroom 3 times to relieve myself of the effects of Zayn's persistence in his sleep. He doesn't seem to understand even the few times he wakes up that he shouldn't be touching me the way he is and when he does fall asleep he tries again and again to get it out of me. It takes extreme self control but by the time we wake up, I've managed to refrain from taking advantage of him.

Although I wanted more than anything to take him right then and there in my fluffy bed while his hair was soft and unstyled, he didn't know what he was doing! How could I let him do anything when it was just the alcohol? So instead I slept, and now as I get up at noon, I decide my game plan.

I go to the kitchen and start making breakfast. Putting on some tea, and frying up some eggs, I hum and whistle and sing because all in all, it's not that bad. I planned on just pretending like nothing happened, because although I'm quite confident Zayn won't remember, even if he did it'd be better to not overreact or embarrass him... Or myself.

Soon enough the flat is filled with the aroma of eggs and bacon and Zayn groggily joins me in the kitchen looking as cute as ever.

"Morning." He smiles, rubbing is eyes and stretching. "Something smells yummy." He says, reminding me of the nickname 'Leeyummy'... damn Eleanor and Nicolette... 

"I hope so, maybe it'll help with your awful hangover." I chuckle and stir the eggs a bit and hand him a cup of tea.

"So... Did I do anything I shouldn't've last night?" His voice is deep and raw.

"Couple things." I nod and think back to the torturous night he put me through, and laugh, knowing that he can't remember, but I will for the rest of my life.

"Oh." Zayn frowns, taking a seat at the table and sipping his tea.

"Don't worry, nothing too horrible." I reassure him, setting down a plate in front of him.

"Okay..." He gives me a halfhearted smile. "Did you have fun?" He asks and I try not to think about his lips on my throat and body, and the feel of his hand on my growing bulge. I shift my weight awkwardly and nod.

"I didn't ruin anything for you?" He asks.

"Nah, you made the night so much more fun!" I smile, getting myself some food and sitting down with him at the table. "Dig in, you have work."

"No I don't." He argues. "It's Sunday."

"Yeah you do." I say with a confused look. "You were open that one Sunday we finished my chevrons."

"I only go in on Sundays when there's a sure client. I don't work on Monday's or Tuesdays either." He explains with a bite of his food.

"Really?" I ask and he just nods. "Why didn't I know that?"

"I don't know, what else don't you know, let's make it a game." His smile reminds me of when he was drunk, like a child.

"Alright. What is the ZAP tattoo for? In depth." I prop myself up on my elbow in anticipation of his answer. To be honest, since he told me about Grayson I was afraid he got it for him. 

"I like comic books." He laughs at the simplicity of it and I can't help but smile as his 'like' comes out as more of a 'lok'.

"Yeah?" I ask with another bite of my bacon.

"Yeah. What's... that tattoo for - in depth." He mimics, pointing to the writing on my wrist. His finger gently trails over the length of the script and I get the shivers, making him smirk.

"Only time will tell what the future holds." I shrug, mimicking his tone of voice.

"Shut up, mine really is because I like comic books, that clearly has a deeper meaning.

"Nah, it's just stupid." I shrug. 

"Please tell me." He pouts. 

"No, man, just forget about it." I say and stand up to clean, I'm losing my appetite. I'm not in the mood to come up with some lie that will explain my tattoos right now. Besides, I feel bad lying to Zayn. As far as I know he hasn't lied to me, well other than the night of the wet dream but he told me later and even if he didn't I probably wouldn't tell him if the roles were reversed and-

My thoughts are interrupted by Zayn suddenly shouting out a confession, "I remember!" As he drops his fork.

"Um... what?" I ask, unfreezing and scraping the extra food into the trash. 

"I remember last night. All of it." He adds, looking ashamed. "I didn't know how to go about it, so I thought I'd follow your lead, but I don't want to pretend it didn't happen..." He admits.

"Oh." I say, setting my plate in the sink and joining him back at the table. 

"I'm... I'm really sorry... About everything." He rubs his eyes and pushes his food away. "I just... I shouldn't've tried... Anything..." 

"It's really okay." I blush, embarrassed about the things I said last night. "Do you... Do you remember the-the things I-I said?" I stutter.

"Yes..." He admits. 

The air has somehow shifted and my breaths are becoming uneven. I can't loose Zayn now. I'll put my feelings aside, I'll ignore them and just be his friend. I can't let this scare him away. 

"You know, let's just forget it, man. It's been a rough time for me and I mean really, it didn't mean anything, alcohol and sleep deprivation will do that to a person." I shrug resuming my work.

"Okay." He says expressionless after a moment of silence.

I let out a relieved breath and pat him on the back to go to my bedroom, where I spend the next two and a half minutes crying. From sadness that this all happened, from happiness he's not leaving me, from relief that there are no secrets-for the most part. I finally pull myself together and grab the trash to make it seem like that's what I was doing.

I don't care what it takes, I won't lose Zayn because of some crush-even if it means getting crushed. I don't think I can stand living without him now, not after all that's happened. How many other people would stay after all he's seen? That's a lot of crap that he's stayed through. So it's settled: ignore my feelings or lose him. I will not lose him.

"I feel like we should talk about this more." Zayn says when I go back to the kitchen.

"Why?" I ask, feeling sick.

"Because we're best friends, and when a problem comes up between two best friends, they should talk it through." He presses arms down on the countertop, lifting himself from the ground a bit. His muscles bulge and I force myself to look away.

"No problem to talk about." I shrug.

"Things are different... And I feel like the plan you came with excludes me. Like your planning on working out some personal problems or something..." He rests his hand on my shoulder and the bag drops from my hand. "But I don't want to be a personal problem..." His face searches mine for some reaction.

"I don't know what that means." I admit in a state of confusion caused my his raspy voice, his bare muscles, and his messy hair-not to mention his hot hand on my shoulder.

"It means I think you've just decided to ignore a very important detail in this situation that could change the outcome, because you're scared." He steps closer, his hand slides down the length of my arm and pulls me closer.

"What detail is that?" I ask with overwhelming feeling of anxiety crushing my ability to breathe properly.

"You're not the only one with feelings here." He breathes and my eyes flicker from his eyes to his lips as he flicks his tongue out to lick them.

Before I can even begin to comprehend what his words mean Zayn pulls me into a kiss that is better than everything I've ever felt and anything I've ever imagined. I don't know how to describe what his soft, full lips felt like on mine... It's better than words... It's more, than a feeling... 

I literally cannot and it's too soon he pulls away, leaving me leaning forward to chase his lips. When I open my eyes he's smirking and I'm feeling stupid. When I came up with my plan of defense I forgot to consider the slight chance that he might feel the same and last night might be a stepping stone rather than an obstacle. 

"Oh." Is all I can manage to say.

"Your tattoo is done." He smiles.

"What?"

"Well the design isn't, but I think I just finished the idea." He smirks.

"Yeah?" I ask and realize now close we're standing. I would feel awkward but before I can, Zayn pulls me into another kiss. It's shorter, and more of a peck so when he goes to pull away I shake my head and pull him back. 

"I don't think so," I whisper on his lips with a chuckle, "now that I've kissed you, I'm always going to have to kiss you. You and only you." I smile when he accepts my kiss, which is just as good as the first.

"Does this mean we're...?" He asks patiently.

"Why don't we go on an actual date or two before we label it...? I offer.

"Aww, Leeyum! Are you asking me out on a date." He says like a child.

"Are you accepting?" I ask, letting my arms drop to his waist so we're in the same position as that day on the side walk that feels like just yesterday. 

"I am if you are, yes." He nods, smacking a wet kiss on my cheek which I proceed to wipe off.

"Today?" I ask. 

"What should we do?" He nods.

"How about you give me that tattoo?" I smirk and get quite excited.

"I don't know, you just got one, you should-" He argues but I shut him up with my lips.

"I'll be fine, let's just do it." I pull him to my bedroom to get dressed. "We'll have the entire shop to ourselves." I bribe.

"We have here all to ourselves." He challenges.

"Yeah but we have to go out for a date, we hung out here as friends." I explain.

"We hung out at the shop as friends."

"Shut up you're going to tattoo me." I demand.

"Fine." He submits and I hand him a pair of sweat pants and a tank top and get a set from myself.

He's not being irrational, the ink is damaging to my system. Since I started getting tattoos my skin is a bit more rough, a bit more unevenly pigmented than it used to be. But I'll be fine, I always am.

For the first hour at the shop I have to play on my phone because Zayn's still working on the design of the tattoo. I'm not sure what it is, but when he's finally done, he's glowing with excitement and satisfaction. Then, as if he just remember's I'm there, he meets my eyes and let's out a sigh. 

"It's done..." He breathes.

"Don't you like it?" I ask.

"I love it." He shrugs.

"Then what's the problem?" I ask, wanting to comfort him, but not knowing how to do so.

"I just hope you will too..." He sighs and covers up the design as I walk over to sit down. "You're sure you want to do this now?" He asks quietly. 

"Of course." I smile.

"You're positive?" He asks me once again and I roll my eyes. 

"Yes Zayn, I'm positive. Are you sure about this?" I challenge. 

"Not really." He bites his lip. 

"Well that makes me feel safe..." I laugh.

"No, I mean... Yes, I'm sure, I just hope you'll like it." He mutters something under his breath that I can't quite catch as he puts his gloves on and turns to the desk. It holds a single manilla envelope, which contains the design for the tattoo. I'm not allowed to see it 'til he's done.

"I'm sure I'll love it, now let's get started, I'm excited." I smile happily. "Where will it go?" I ask rubbing my hands all over my own body.

"Inner right arm." He says, grabbing the needle gun that I used to be so afraid of but now I greet like an old friend.

"What? Not on my abs? Or my butt?" I joke, taking off my jacket.

"Nope, your arm will be just fine." He smiles, grabbing the cleaning solution to sanitize my arm.

"Are you nervous?" I ask a bit worried for Zayn's sake.

"A bit... I've never done anything like this before..." He confesses.

"What do you mean, what does it matter if you're using a stencil?" I ask.

"No-that's not what I meant.. I just... You know, you'll see when I'm done, but until then..." He grabs something from the drawer of the desk and turns back to me. "Trust me?"

"More than anything." I say as he quickly puts a blindfold on me. "Well this is kinky." I smirk.

"Shut up." He huffs but I can hear his smile. 

"Make me." I taunt in a seductive voice.

"Who's in control of your pain levels?" He challenges.

"My apologies Mr. Malik." I say with the straightest face I can manage. 

"Just be quiet." He laughs.

"Fine, but you keep talking, without my sight to distract me I need your voice." I speak somewhere between a beg and a confession.

"Of course, Liam." His voice is sincere, and sounds safe as I'm stuck in the dark. 

 

"Why are you so nervous?" I ask, it's been really slow going because Zayn's scared I'll hate it, but I'm quite sure whatever it is I'll love it. But he says we're almost done and I'm really excited.

"Well... I wanted to wait longer before doing it... Because I wanted to confirm some stuff... I don't know. It's kind of... Connected to me, and I-" 

"Zayn, are you scared I won't like it because it's a tattoo about you permanently etched into my skin?" I hold back my laughter.

"A little bit, but I mean-"

"Can I tell you something?" I ask.

"Yeah." He says but continues working on the tattoo.

"The rest of my tattoos..." 

"Go on."

"They're about you." I confess. "All of them but the first one. When I met you, I wanted to come back... So I just kinda... Did." I shrug.

"Can I tell you something?" He asks, his voice calm.

"Please." I beg, anything to take away from my confession.

"I already knew." He says.

Oh.

"What do you mean?" I wince at the pain because I jerked my arm and Zayn dug deeper into my arm. Not his fault, not that painful, I just hope he didn't mess up.

"Well, I suspected. That's where my inspiration from this tattoo came from." He explains.

"Really? Why didn't you say anything?" I ask.

"I didn't want it to sound like an accusation, or be wrong." He chuckles. "But I wasn't. And you must really like me to do all of this." 

"Are we done?" I ask, not wanting to answer him.

"Just about." He says and he finishes up. "Okay, ready?" He says a minute or two later.

"Yep." I nod sitting up. I feel him wipe down my arm and then my blind fold is removed. My eyes adjust to the light and I blink, looking around the room. He stands me up and leads me over to the mirror and tells me to look.

There on my arm is a delicate feather etched into my skin in black ink. Under the feather in Zayn's own handwriting is the words '...from black and white' and my breath hitches. It's a really cool tattoo... And it looks like he made no mistakes, there's a tiny drop of blood from where I jerked my arm and he dug too deep, but nothing serious.

"What does it mean?" I turn to him.

"It's... It's only half... Of a set." He rubs the back of his neck.

"Like a couple tattoo?" I ask.

"Or best friends if you don't want it to be a couple tattoo I mean-" he defends but I stop him with a kiss. 

"Can I see the other half?" I smile.

"Well, I was going to wait till I got it done, then after I did yours I could just show you on my arm... But since that's not happening..." He mumbles and walks over to the envelope on his desk. He pulls out a sheet of stencil paper and walks over to me. 

It's almost identical to mine except the writing is different. 'I figured it out...' and I get it now. "I figured it out from black and white," I still feel like I'm missing something though.

"Erm so basically, the feather, is because love is delicate, and you've got to be gentle with it... and a little bit because that night you had that dream, you said I had raven hair and I liked that...." He chuckles, making me smile, "as for the script... it just means, I figured out I loved you from the time we spent on the tattoos, and what the tattoos meant... Like, I figured out the tattoos were about me, and that's why... It's from black and white..." He trails off.

"You what?" I ask, my mouth just open like an idiot.

"Well umm, I mean, it's just, you don't have to say it back, I've probably said it too soon." He blushes. "I mean, I do, love you, whether it's a best friend love, or more, I don't know but..."

"I'm really happy that you feel that way, really... And I want to say it back, I do... But I'm just not ready... It's a scary word... I'm so sorry... We just, we haven't gone on an actual date yet... Besides this but I don't know... I'm not saying no... Because I do as a best friend... I'm just saying, not as more yet..." I try to sugar coat it but he's not having it.

"It's okay. I can wait." He smiles and kisses me lightly on the cheek."Do you like it?" He asks when he pulls away. I will never get sick of him kissing me.

"I absolutely love them, when can we get your done?" I ask excitedly.

"Um... I don't know, I can have a friend come in and do it sometime." He says. "Or I can go get it done." He offers.

"Whichever is faster, because I want us to match as soon as possible." I smile.

Zayn and I go out for some food then he takes me home because I wasn't feeling very well. I don't really know what it is.

My skin around the tattoo is a bit sore and I figure it's just the usual soreness from needles puncturing your skin, but after a few hours, it spreads to my entire arm. More and more of my skin is becoming dry and red, and the tattoo itself hurts quite a bit. As if my arm is covered in bruises.

It's about midnight when it hits me hard. The nausea. The chills. The fever. It's as if my entire body decided to collapse all at once. I'm sweating and cold, my skin burns and I'm scared I know why.

Ink poisoning.

It's not often that people get ink poisoning from tattoos, the tattoo artists take extra precautions to make sure that doesn't happen. Usually it's because of an allergic reaction, but I'm worried it was too soon, and now I have to much ink in my system, along with the small bleeding from the small bump. I'm sat on the bathroom floor, bent over the toilet vomiting when I think I should probably call someone. 

If I called Eleanor it would take 14 hours for her to get here from California... If I called my mom it would take 3 hours... If I called Zayn... It would take 20 minutes, but he'd be upset with himself. It takes a while to convince myself I should call him, but I decide he'd be angrier if I let myself suffer like this.

My vision is blurry, and I can't stand up without getting tunnel vision, but I do find my phone and call him.

"Hello?" I hear Zayn's sleepy voice on the other end.

"Zayn? I'm sick and I don't know what to do." I speak with a raspy voice from the acidic liquid from my stomach's effect on my throat.

"What's wrong?" 

"I think I have ink poisoning." I bite my lip in fear of his response.

"I'm on my way over." He says and hangs up.

I grab a pot from the kitchen and lay on the couch, waiting for Zayn. I know absolutely nothing about ink poisoning other than the symptoms. I don't know if it's deadly... I don't know any treatments... And to be honest I'm scared. 

When Zayn comes I'm in a state somewhere between sleep and consciousness. He asks me if I can stand and I try my best, but I'm weak. He lifts me up like a princess in his arms. My body hurts. I hurt. I.

 

I wake up to a bright fluorescent light above my head and a hand holding my left. I cringe away from the light but moving hurts. 

"Hey, how are you?" I hear a familiar Bradford accent ask, his voice cracks and I look to find a tired Zayn with tear-streaked cheeks.

"Are you okay?" I ask, forgetting about his question.

"I'm fine, Li, are you?" He chuckles.

"Yeah, yeah I'm good." I feel relieved. "Why am I here?" I ask.

"You, you don't remember?" His voice cracks again.

"No I know what happened, this isn't a movie, what are they going to do to help?" I reply with a cynical tone. "Can't I be sleepy in my own bed?" I ask. 

"Oh," he chuckles, "yeah I suppose, but I'm not a doctor, I can't check your vital signs." He explains.

"Well you kiss me, and I'll tell you if it makes me feel alive." I joke.

"Eww, you haven't brushed your teeth since you got sick." He laughs.

"Just a peck? I'm on my death bed here!" I pout and am rewarded with a quick kiss.

"So how long do I have to be in here?" I frown, glancing around the small room. It has a door behind Zayn to the right, and a tv on a cabinet in the corner of the room. 

"Well let's start with when you stop vomiting every time you drink water." He jokes but I hear real worry in his voice. 

"Is there any medicine in here?" I point to the I.V in my right arm. 

"Yeah, some antibiotics I think, and water." He nods. "They want to keep you here until the ink is out of your blood stream." He explains.

"Is the tattoo ruined or anything?" I ask.

"No, it should be fine." His voice cracks once again, he looks to the ground and I feel bad for bringing it up.

"It's not your fault you know." I gently squeeze his hand in mine.

"Yes it is." He says simply, meeting my eyes with regret.

"No, it's not Zayn." I argue. "I was the one who jerked my arm, I was he one who made you tattoo me too soon. It was my fault." I hoped that would console him, but instead he's crying again. 

"Liam I'm so sorry, I really am. I can't believe this has happened to you, I'm so stupid." He's bawling, pressing sloppy kisses all over my hand. 

"I love you." I sigh.

"What?" He drops my hand.

"I love you. Look at you, look at how much you care. Look at how bad you feel for my own dumb mistake. I love you." I shrug though it hurts a bit. It's true though. He's seen the worst of me. He's seen all my flaws, and he still loves me. Unconditionally.

"Really, you're not just saying that to get me to shut up?" he asks, a hopeful smile dances across his lips.

"All I know is... love comes in all different shapes and forms... I love my mum... I love Eleanor in a completely different way than I love my mum, I love Nicolette in an even more different way than them both. I love so many people... and when I'm with you; well I love you in an entirely different way, and I'm not sure but I don't think I've ever felt it for anyone else. Does that answer your question?" I ask sheepishly.

"Yes." He kisses my nose and then pulls back, as if remembering something.

"It's okay, I'm strong enough for a nose kiss." I chuckle.

"No... that's not it... I got my side of the tattoo while you were asleep." He explains, taking off his red jumper. On his shoulder is the design he showed me in the shop, but it seems so much more real now that it's engraved in his arm forever. It's so real. It's so... alive. He's alive, with a piece of me on him. The tattoo is a little raised from being fresh and tinted a bit red from the irritation of the needles. He went through that pain for me. 

"Hey, wait... how long have I been asleep?" I ask, feeling a bit disoriented now.

"9 hours, don't worry. I just... I couldn't wait." he shrugged.

"Oh, thank you so much. I love it." I smile.

"I love you." He smiles into a kiss on my hand.

A nurse comes into the room and tells me she needs to give me a shot along with my next bag of some clear liquid for my I.V. 

"Zayn, will you talk?" I fear the pain of the needle. "I'm scared, please say something."

"Always." He whispers along with sweet nothings in my ear as the nurse does her thing.

Soon I feel my eyelids growing heavy and my vision blurs. The room grows dark and Zayn's voice is the only thing I can hang on to. 

"Zayn... Zayn... I'm so... I need to sleep now, don't leave." I force my words out.

"Never. I won't ever leave. I'm right here." He kisses my hand and I feel sleep engulf me.

 

While at the hospital Eleanor visits me but doesn't stay long, insisting that I'm in good hands with Zayn. Nicolette comes as well but she doesn't have much to say. I think she's mostly just scared.

Zayn takes me home after we're discharged and babies me even though I'm fine. But I'm not complaining when he crawls in bed next to me and kisses all over my body. His soft lips cover every inch of my face and neck. He bites my collar bone and nips at the delicate skin. 

My skin is much smoother and softer than before I went to the hospital. I have to use lotions and take vitamins to keep it heathy, but I'm completely fine now. The skin is the biggest organ, and I had to see a dermatologist to talk about how important it is.It's been about two weeks since the whole thing but it feels like a lifetime. Zayn makes everything go so quickly, I wish I could freeze time. 

I roll over on top of him and dip down to kiss his neck, he moans underneath me and I can't help but feel proud. He's so responsive, so ready for me. I don't care about anything else right, now, only about getting Zayn to keep making those beautiful noises. 

I tug his shirt off and bite his sculpted him, only to swoop back up and plant soft kisses all over the feather on his arm, tracing the cursive font. He moans as I find my way back down his body stopping above his waistline to tease him.

"Please," he pants and it all I can do not to rip off his clothes, but I hurriedly take off his sweatpants. He stops me right after I start to pull them down. "Will you take your clothes off to, I don't want to be the only one in my boxers." He asks with a pout. Same old Zayn... Nothing's changed.

"Sure, but you won't be wearing boxers for long." I smirk, taking off my clothes and tossing them to the side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know absolutely nothing about Ink Poisoning. I tried Googling it but it was useless so please play along if it seems inconceivable .xx


	9. Love, Lust, and Lube

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Love, Lust, and Lube ;)

Chapter 9:

 

"Li, Liam." He pants in between our hot and steamy kisses, our only clothes are boxers rubbing against each other. "Liam wait." He stops me from kissing him again by turning his face.

"What's wrong?" I ask, worried I've done something wrong.

"I'm really glad that this is happening... Really, I am, but this is... Really new... To me... And I don't want to screw it up. I'm scared." He admits, biting his lip. And that when I remember... Zayn's a virgin - in every aspect. Never been touched. And although I feel my member twitch in excitement at the thought of me being the first one Zayn's ever been with, I feel like that's really selfish. I have to make sure that this is perfect for him.

"Do you want to wait?" I ask, pulling back but he stops me.

"I've been waiting my entire life for this... I'm done waiting." He breathes against my lips, making me smile.

"Alright. What do you want from me right now?" I ask. There are a lot of ways we could do this. I will do whatever Zayn feels most comfortable with.

"How about you take the lead, and I follow, just slowly?" He asks and I answer him with a slow, passionate kiss. I nibble lightly on his lip and I hear the most wonderful moan.

And that's all the encouragement I need. Suddenly, it's not my own lust or need that makes me want to touch him. It's him. It's the sound he makes when I run my fingers over his skin. It's the way his eyelashes flutter as I press kisses along his hips. It's the way he says my name, broken from pleasure and bliss.

"I'm going to make you feel so good, baby." I whisper in his ear, raising goose bumps down his neck.

"Please..." he moans.

I trail back down his body and tug at the waistband of his boxers. He huffs in sexual frustration from my small kitten licks along his v-line.

"Tease," He accuses, his voice tight from holding back a moan. 

Oh no, that just won't do.

I suck on the tender skin and lap my tongue over the sensitive skin, earning that moan he so desperately tried to hide. He blushes a deep shade of red as I let out a small chuckle.

"Don't be embarrassed, I like your moans." I purr. "They're encouraging."

"M'not." He argues, writhing under my hand softly stroking him through his boxers. He's already so hard, and we've barely started, although I'm pretty hard as well, but he doesn't know that.

"You're so sexy, Z, so hard for me." I palm his bulge, eliciting another beautiful moan.

"You don't think it's too much pressure that you're the only one I respond to?" His words are split in whispers and moans. "I'm afraid you affect me too much." 

"You have no idea how much you affect me, how much your moans turn me on." I growl.

Zayn finds his way to my boxers and palms me through them, making me moan in pleasure. His warm hand against my member does something and I thrust into him to create more friction. "You weren't kidding." He smiles proudly and tries to grip me through my boxers. 

"Oh no you don't," I grind my teeth, "we're focusing on you here, not me." I clasp my teeth on his waistband and tug them down, his dick springing free. It's rock hard and wet with pre-come. My own cock twitches at the sight. I stare in awe as Zayn waits impatiently as to what is about to go down.

Although I'd love nothing more than to take him fast and hard right now, I have to put my own needs aside for the time being. I have to remember that every touch is his first. I don't want this to come from lust; I want it to come from love.

I ignore the throbbing in my groin and wrap my hand around his hard member. He pants as I start moving my hand up and down, using the pre-come as lubrication.

"What do you want, baby?" I whisper. I don't know how far he wants to go, or what he's ready for.

"You - I want you," He squirms under my touch, his voice raw and strained, "all of you, Li - soon."

"Are you sure, this is your first time doing anything." I ask, my lips pressed against his neck.

"Please, now, I want you now." He pants.

"How do you want me?" I purr.

"I want you in me, Li, please." He begs.

"I'm going to need to prep you then." I point out.

"M'kay." He chokes out as I stop pumping him. He huffs in annoyance.

"It's going to hurt." I warn.

"Liam, look at your tattoos and tell me that this is going to hurt more than them. Ink poisoning and all." He argues.

"Fair enough." I smirk and kiss him before flipping him over and spreading his ass, exposing the delicate skin within. 

The lube is in the drawer next to my bed, but I can't help but taste him. I lick a single stripe, passing over his hole and he bucks his hips into the bed with a load moan. That moan makes me want more and I start rimming him over and over getting him used to being touched. 

"Oh! Liam! This is- No don't stop!" He pants when I try to pull away to grab the lube.

"But the lube-" He reaches back and shoves my head back down.

"I'll get it, just, keep going." He growls, reaching up the bed to grab the lube from the side table.

When I pull away this time Zayn doesn't stop me, but he does whine with sadness.

I drench my finger in the gooey clear liquid and rub his puckered hole. I worm my way a knuckle deep and massage the inside as he tenses up.

"You alright?" I ask, letting my finger still.

"Yeah, it's just weird." He explains.

"Weird good?" I ask hopefully.

"I don't know yet, keep going." He relaxes and I shove in to the next knuckle. I stop there and let him adjust, knowing how strange the feeling is myself.

"It doesn't hurt at all yet." He says, "Just really, really weird."

"I'm going to keep going then." I warn.

"Yeah, go." He nods and I do.

Soon I have 2 whole fingers in and Zayn says there is minimum discomfort. We go slowly so he doesn't have to feel much pain. I start to move both fingers in and out in a rhymic action and he pushes for me to go deeper. When I do he shudders and moans and I know I've found his sweet spot.

"Do, that, again." He pants.

I do what I'm told and I soon have him writhing in pleasure. 4 fingers in his ass, fucking him to an orgasm turns me on so much, but I wait patiently. 

"Liam, I'm ready, please, please I want you so badly." He bites back his moans in the most sexy way and I waste no time. Telling him to turn over on his back because I want to see his face, I cover my dick in a generous amount of lube and pump a few times for my benifit. I line up with his hole and slowly push in, earning a nod before pushing in more. He keeps giving me the signal every so often so I know it's okay to continue.

Our slow going pace turns into a faster, sweeter one. His tight ass squeezes my dick and he keeps flexing his ass at all the right moments, as if giving me a massage. It makes me work harder, knowing he's in it with me, giving it his best.

Zayn's moans are much higher now, much higher than I ever thought they could be. But with every strained gasp, I buck my hips harder, which in return makes Zayn's moans get louder and pant harder. It's maddening.

We moan together, rappidly approaching orgasms but I want to make sure Zayn is taken care of before I even worry about myself. My whole body shakes as I hold on as long as I can for Zayn. I know Zayn is holding on too, wanting to make this last. Zayn's dick looks painfully hard and I can't have that.

"Come for me baby, let it go, I want you to come all over me." I pant with each deep thrust. I know neither one of us can hold on for long, but I'm trying as hard as I can.

"Together." He demands.

"I'm ready when you are." I place a kiss on his chest in between thrusts, making him smile.

"I love you." His voice is raw and sexy.

"I love you, too." I bring his lips to mine and we kiss just in time for him to come all over my chest in thick white ribbons, sending me over the edge. I spill into Zayn with final sloppy thrusts and slowly come to a stop as I let Zayn ride out his high, along with coming down from my own.

As I pull out, Zayn winces a little at the sudden emptiness and pouts. I flop down next to him and cuddle him. His limp body is unresponsive to my touch at first, but soon he hugs me back and places sloppy kisses on my cheek, making me giggle.

"You, are the bestest, most wonderful person in the entire world." He says in between his kises.

"I'm glad you liked it." I smile, stupidly proud.

"Like? How have I waited this long? You were incredible!" He props himself on one elbow, looking at me. "You were so gentle, but so sexy, and you knew what to do at all the right times." He breaths, trailing his finger down my chest and stomach, only to pause above my belly button. "How was I?" 

"You were everything I'd hoped you'd be." I plant a small kiss on his nose. "So tight, so responsive, and sexy - you're moans were wrecking me." 

"Yeah?" He blushes.

"God yes." I roll back my eyes with a lick of my lips.

"Wanna do it agian?" He meets eyes with me, unsure of himself.

"Really?" I ask in shock, he bounces back quickly.

"Yeah, well I mean, only if you want to..." He trails off, biting his lip.

"You're joking right?" I smirk, pulling his elbow so he falls flat on the bed and throwing my leg over his body. I'm on top of him, kissing all over his face, leaving him in a fit of giggles.

Suddenly I'm throwing aside and flipped onto my back, Zayn's hot body on top of mine, his dick grinding down on my dick, which hardens in response. I let out a deep throaty groan of pure ecstasy and Zayn smirks. 

"So I take it you're okay with this?" He whispers in my ear. All I can do is nod because this sudden surge of confidence from the boy on top of me is too much. I think he could make me come from just humping me. 

He's on top of me, I'm thrusting into his thrusts, holding him down from more friction. The feeling in my stomach grows bigger and stronger and I know what's coming next.

"Z, m'gonna-" 

Zayn instantly slides down my legs, stopping the feeling in my stomach immediately leavivng me in a pathetic pile, whining and pouting at the loss of touch.

"Would it be okay if I tried topping?" He asks.

"Yes - please." I beg, needing to finish. I go to touch myself but Zayn stops me.

"I want to make you feel as good as you made me feel." He pushes my hand aside and I feel his gentle fingers trail over my entrance.

"Lube-lube's over there." I point to the place on the ground where it had fallen off the bed. Zayn grabs it and covers his finger in the clear liquid. 

"Ready?" He asks after rubbing my hole a bit and I nod before feeling him enter me. His long finger slowly disappears inside of me only to be pulled back out, over and over again. He follows my instructions and finger fucks me with one, two, three fingers until I'm begging for more. 

"Zayn, please I want you now." I whine at the sudden emptiness as he removes his fingers and lubes up his dick. 

"How do you want it?" He bites my neck and kisses my lip, his facial hair scratches my skin.

"Fast, don't tease." I whine. I'm laying on my stomach on the bed, waiting for Zayn to fuck me. It's torturous. 

And then I feel Zayn's hot dick pressed up against my ass, grinding into me. I moan loadly and he holds back a laugh.

"Shut up and fuck me, Z." I bark and does. He fucks me so hard I think I may pass out because I can't breath properly with all this pleasure. No pain is felt whatsoever, which is shocking because Zayn's a big guy, and he's humping me hard, but he must be magic because all I can feel is complete and utter bliss. With every thrust he manages to hit my sweet spot and I don't understand how he can be this good for his first time. This is literally the best I've ever felt in my entire life. 

His dick is pounding into me and Zayn is fisting the sheets underneath me. I'm torn beneath grinding into Zayn or the bed to get more friction on my aching, untouched dick. I hump the bed as Zayn reaches my sweet spot every fucking time and that's it for me. Within a minute I'm thrown over the edge of pleasure and ecstasy with another deep thrust from Zayn and I don't care anymore. I physically and mentally can not. 

I'm coming into the sheets with loud shouts of pleasure. I know Zayn hasn't come yet, who could blame him, I barely lasted 60 seconds but I'll pay him back. He keeps thrusting, letting me ride out my high and I can't think about anything else right now. If I wasn't in love with Zayn before, I sure as hell am now because that was incredible. Absolutely... unequivocally... incredible.

Zayn is running his hand down my back as I lay in a wrecked mess on the bed. I can't even imagine recovering from this, or ever not feeling this way again. It's as if Zayn has permanetly left a veil of pleasure somewhere within me. A lingering buzz of happiness and bliss that will outlast any orgasm I have ever had. I'm not sure how long I lay there completely useless, but when I open my eyes I see Zayn's darked eyes and messy hair. He's smiling at me with that smile of his that makes me feel almost embarrassed at how much he's outdone me. It's a proud smile of achievement and amusement, his tongue teasing me. 

"I have nothing to say to you." I purr, finally lifting myself from the wrecked state, sitting up. I crawl over him so I'm laying on top, dipping down to kiss him. Zayn is probably the best fuck in the world, I'll never make him feel better than he made me feel that way, but I'm still pretty damn good at blowjobs and I'm going to make him scream. 

"You're definitely not as delicate as you let me believe." I chuckle, gently probing his lip with my tongue in our soft kisses. If he wants to let me think he's delicate, I'll show him how gentle I can be. As though we are highschool teens making out on the couch and this wasn't going farther than kissing, I tease him with fresh, light kisses. I frame his lower lip with both of mine and pull back, as if we were in a choreographed dance.

I let my hands roam his body, tracing over my favorite muscles. It's all very comedic, doing something as innocent as kissing and feeling his muscles after what we just finished doing... twice... but I know that this slow and innocent pace will be vital for his orgasm. I let my hand curve along his side, tracing down his ribs and along his thigh, only to yoyo back up to his arm.

His left hand starts to knead one of my butt cheeks as he parts with my lips to kiss my chest, returning to me a second later. He's following my pace, however rediculous it seems, he knows it's something he wants to experience. It can be maddening, going at this pace, I kind of just want to fuck him as hard as I can, but I don't want to give him the satisfaction... at least not yet.

I scoot down on the bed and gently kiss the tip of his head, as if it wasn't a sexual act at all. He stops me from continuing though. I look up at him in confusion.

"Let me adjust so I can watch." he explains and I let him. He props himself up on his elbows and nods for me to continue. 

I kiss him on the lips again before returning to his member. I circle my tongue around the tip of his hot cock, eliciting a desperate moan as I play with his balls. He leans back and supresses a small smile. He hasn't seen anything yet.

I wrap my hand around his cock and take his head into my mouth. I don't swallow the extra saliva in my mouth as I swirl my tongue over and around his tip, but instead let it slosh about as a puff air in and out of of my closes mouth. It's an audible act and I glance up at Zayn and see him with wide eyes, not quite sure where on earth I'd ever figure out such an act. But I can feel him hardening even more in my mouth. 

If anyone else heard this sound, they'd probably think it was gross. It's a wet sound, the sound of his cock sloshing around in my saliva-filled mouth, the sound of my tongue swabbing forcefully around the head. It sounds a bit sloppy, like too much saliva spilling out of the corners of my lips. But you'd have to be on the other end of the sound to understand. Zayn does.

Zayn is swaying, his head falling backwards. Eyes closed, his arms collapse, stretching out, grasping the bed for something so keep him steady. He's hyperventalating, dizzy from probably the most instense stimulation he's ever felt. I know what that's like. I know it keeps getting better, and he's absolutely stunned.

He's laying flat on his back with his eyes closed and I would smirk if I wasn't occupied. Then Zayn attampts to lift his head and open his eyes but he falis miserably. I know he's probably annoyed that he's missing it, but the pleasure is too great.

He manages to lift his head and open his eyes, moaning at the sight of me. Blowjobs. I'm pretty good at them.

I love hearing his groans and moans as I bob up and down, taking all of him in my mouth. I don't have a gag reflex, so I pound my head down on his dick like it's imperative, and his own head is shaking hard, his eyes unfocused. Thump. His head falls back on the bed once again. 

Zayn is incoherently babbling as I hollow out my cheeks and suck as hard as I can, pinning him to the bed with pleasure. He couldn't get up if he tried. 

His entire body is shaking under me and his moans are loud and unintelligable. 

I shove him entirely in my mouth and swallow, so the muscles in my throat massage his dick and his voice gives out, in a groan that sounds something like, "gaaaahhhh," he stutters to find words, "I'm-gnncome." 

I pull him out of my mouth a bit so I just have his head in, ready to swallow his wad. He comes completely undone and comes hard in my mouth, I fight to swallow it and when I do he moans even more. I lick whatever I didn't get off his dick, sucking it one final time with an audible pop. 

I fall next to him for the second time, waiting for him to recover, a smug look on my face. 

"Yeah you may be a better fuck, but nobody's better than me at blowjobs." I smile, patting him on the back before standing up to go take a shower. 

After my shower, I dry off and find Zayn asleep in my bed. His hair is tossled and he just looks so soft. I want to crawl in next to him but my tummy grumbles and I decide that I'd better eat. Although... there is nothing good to eat here... I decide to go get take away food, debating whether or not I should go through all the work of waking Zayn up or just going, knowing he probably won't wake up for ages. 

I decide to just go, comforted by the fact that Zayn's a heavy sleeper and I won't be too long. I'm thinking Chinese food... Yeah... Chinese...

It takes about 20 minutes but I manage to get home just in time to find Zayn pacing back and forth in my kitchen, chewing on his inner lip. He looks intensely worried and doesn't seem to have noticed me yet. 

"Hey, Z, I got-" I start to explain, lifting the bag in my hand to show him.

Zayn turns around and throws his arms around me, nearly joking me as he pulls me tight, arms around my neck. 

"Liam! You came back!" He sobs in my ear.

"Obviously." I say setting the bag in the floor and wrapping my arm around him, rubbing his back to soothe him.

"I thought you'd gone." He explains, pulling back and meeting my eyes, as if making sure I'm real. 

"Just to get food." I reassure him. I don't know why this is a big deal... But if Zayn's upset about something, I'll find a way to make it better. "If you don't like Chinese we can get something else." I jokingly offer. 

"No-no Chinese is good." He shakes his head, smiling at the ground. He let's go of me and picks up the bag, setting it on the counter.

"Sure? I can go out and get pizza." I smile.

"No." He says completely seriously, his hands frozen from there movements of plating the food, " no, I, I like Chinese, please don't go again." He requests weakly.

"Okay, I won't go." I nod, sensing that this is something I should take seriously, but not push. 

Zayn and I are snuggling on the couch eating our food, watching Finding Nemo when I finally ask. 

"Zayn?" I ask, his head rising and falling in my chest as I breathe. 

"Hmm?"

"Why were you so worried when you'd thought I'd gone." I ask in a small, soft voice.

"I didn't know why you'd left... Or if you were gonna come back." He answers after a minute, his Bradford accent stronger than usual.

"This is my flat." I point out.

"It was his flat too, wasn't it?" He remarks sassily.

"Who's?" I ask.

"Grayson's." He sneers with disgust.

"That's how fucking Grayson left?" I question with equal disgust and hatred.

"Yeah." Zayn breathes, "when I couldn't...he left when I fell asleep... I stayed there nearly 48 hours stupidly... Hoping he would come back... Turns out he was at the neighbor's... Waiting for me to leave." He let's out a choked sob and turns over on top of me, hiding his face. 

"Hey... Hey look at me." I lift his head. "You are really good in bed." I say with a straight face and he cracks a smile. He was expecting some heartwarming poem or something, but I think he needed to hear this more. 

"Shut up." He laughs, sitting up and throwing the blanket at my face. I follow him into the kitchen to throw out our trash.

"I'm serious! You are, by far, the best I've ever had." I corner him with my arms in either side of him. 

"Really?" He asks girlishly, biting back a smile.

"Hands down." I nod. "And more importantly..." leaning in close, "I love you." I give him a peck on the lips and run back to the couch, under the blanket. Zayn rolls his eyes at me, cutely curled up on the couch, but that doesn't stop him from running over and jumping on top of me. "Oof!" I giggle as he showers me with cute little kisses all over. 

"I love you so much, Liam." He smiles. "I can't even imagine what life would be like without you... And it's only been a few months!" 

"I'm so glad we met." I nuzzle into his neck, letting his sweet scent envelope me. "I don't even want to imagine life without you. I can't bear the thought of not finding each other."

"Don't worry, I will always find you." Zayn kisses the top of my head, "No matter what."


	10. Goodnight Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cute Ziam Date and Smut ;)

Chapter 10:

 

"You know it really is a pity you and Zayn never got that dating period." Eleanor says, doing her hair in the mirror while I shower.

"What do you mean?" I ask, lathering shampoo in my hair.

"You know, the first few dates where you're wondering if they'll call, wondering what they're wearing, hoping they'll kiss you at the end of the date. You guys never got that. You were friends, and then you were boyfriends. It all happened very quickly..."

I thought about what she said... She wasn't wrong... We did kind over... Jump over the dating part.

"Well... Do you think it's something he's missed out on?" I ask a bit confused.

"I'm not sure. I remember when Nicolette and I started seeing each other there where constant butterflies. I was always thinking about what she could be doing, and when I'll see her again." She explains.

"Zayn and I kind of did that, at the shop." I defend helplessly.

"Yeah but there's something really cute about knowing that you're on a date. That they like you, you like them, and you just want to spend time together, you know?" She asks.

"Yeah..." I nod even though she can't see me and I stand still, letting the water run over my chest.

Zayn and I decide to go to Tesco to pick up some groceries and I figure this is as good a time as any to bring up the dating thing.

"So, you know there's a carnival at the pier tonight." I say nonchalantly.

"Yeah? That's cool." He says, looking around all he brands of dish detergent.

"Yeah, big Ferris wheel, candy, carnival games, the whole shebang." I explain.

"Why are you telling me this?" He chuckles.

"Well I was thinking we could go." I smirk.

"Like a date? Remember the last time we went on a date, or perhaps you need to look at the scars?" He reminds me.

"Yeah well this isn't dangerous, and I think it could be a lot of fun." I pretend to pout.

"So what would this carnival date include?" Zayn questions as we walk along the aisles, making my face light up.

"Well we'd obviously have to get cotton candy-"

"Ooh, and snow cones!" He interrupts.

"Right, and snow cones..." I add looking at my shopping list, "and at the end of the date I could kiss you goodnight."

"Seems a little silly to end it with a goodnight kiss after all the other stuff we've done." He points out.

"Maybe..." I tug his arm and spin him into my arms, "or maybe..." lifting his chin and pulling him in, "the simplicity of it makes it better." I gently press my lips against his, pulling back when his tongue slides across my bottom lip. "Now was that silly?" I ask, not moving from the position of holding him close. He smiles and shakes his head. "Good, now I usually get Dawn but I feel like mixing it up, have you ever used this orange stuff?"

I completely change the subject and release him. I know he won't answer, he doesn't do dishes, and even if he did, he wouldn't care what kind of soap he used. I just ramble on about the importance of good dish soap until he breaks.

"Fine, I'll go on a super romantic carnival date with you." He rolls his eyes and grabs a random bottle of dish soap from the shelf, chucks it in the cart, and runs off down the aisle in an attempt to hide how excited I know he is.

After finishing my shopping and chasing Zayn down, we check out and go back to my place, where he helps me put away all the groceries like a gentleman. We lounge around my place with Eleanor and Nicolette, which is I guess is what Zayn thinks is double dating since he's told me on multiple occasions that this is as good as going out.

When 4 episodes of L.A. Ink go by while watching Netflix and the four of us had consumed 3 bags of popcorn, I figure it was nearing time for Zayn to go.

"But whyyy?" Zayn whines, clinging to me as I walk him out. "I'll just wear what I have on now!"

"Because I feel bad! We kind of skipped the going out stage. Where you sit at home, anxiously waiting for me to pick you up and take you on a romantic date that gives you the butterflies!" I push him out the door but he resists.

"But every two Saturdays I waited anxiously at the shop waiting for you to come back!" He argues. "Every time you walked through the door I got the chills and a thousand monarchs erupted in my stomach!"

"You knew I came back every two weeks?" I ask shocked.

"It takes two weeks for the tissue to heal, you came back as soon as you could... I noticed the pattern... I didn't know, but I had hoped." He shrugs, his hands going limp against my chest.

"Awww!" I hear Eleanor behind me, then an American accent join in, "Now kiss!" Nicolette urges.

I roll my eyes but do give in and kiss Zayn lightly before adding, "Well now you get to know that I'll pick you up at 5:00 p.m. sharp, so go spend the next... 123 minutes getting ready." I smile.

"What am I going to do that will take 123 minutes?" He pushes.

"I don't know, try on 10 outfits, do and re-do your hair, put on too much cologne, and struggle to wash some of it off? I'm sure you'll find something." I smirk before smacking a sloppy kiss on his cheek and shoving him out the door with a hurried, "I love you!"

Now that Zayn is gone, I plan on using ever second of my remaining... 121 minutes to make this date incredible. Finding some clothes to wear, I pull out my cell phone to make a call to a flower shop nearby.

"Hi, I'd like to order a bouquet of red roses, can you get that done in the next hour?" I ask, shrugging off my clothes to change. The lady with the gentle voice says it will be done in 45 minutes and I can pick them up any time after that. "Brilliant, my name is Liam Payne, thank you."

"Roses?" Eleanor asks. "You're really going all out, aren't you?"

"Well... what you said -- before -- it got me thinking... you're right... and he deserves it." I say sheepishly.

As I rummage away in my closet I am painfully aware of the fact it will take me 25 minutes to get to Zayn's house and I have to stop at the flower shop, leaving me with... an hour and a half... fantastic.

Although I made fun of Zayn about nervously getting ready for our date, I had butterflies in my tummy and - well let's just say my final outfit wasn't the first one I tried on... or the second... or the third.

I do eventually pull myself together and get going in time. I put on a leather jacket of a long sleeve T-shirt, the one that's white with black sleeves. I would dress up more but it is a casual date at the carnival and-what if he's more dressed up and he doesn't think I not as dedicated?

I have to take some time to calm down and reassure myself, but I manage to drive to the flower shop, get the flowers, and head to Zayn's without dying in an anxiety attack.

I stare at my watch as it changes to 5:00, and then ring the doorbell. The door opens and I'm relieved to find a very casual, yet attractive Zayn on the other side.

"Hey," I blush furiously. It's amazing to me that he can still have this effect on me, even after everything... "Are you ready?" I ask.

"Yeah, you look good." He smirks, shutting the door behind him as he walks out.

"You look incredible, as always." I smile and bring the flowers out from behind my back, offering them to him.

"You're insane." He chuckles, rolling his eyes and accepting the flowers.

"What, you don't like them?" I pout, feigning offense.

"No, I love them, and I love you." Zayn leans in for a kiss and I hesitate at first, thinking maybe we shouldn't kiss until the end of the date, but I decide that's ridiculous and accept his kiss. Only one. His lips on mine could never be a mistake.

"Alright, we should get going," I reluctantly pull away.

"Alright... let's go." He rolls his eyes and gestures for me to lead us.

"I know you're excited." I poke him in the tummy.

"Nah," he shrugs me off, adjusting his tight-fitting t-shirt. It hugs his muscles in all the right places.

"Yeah you are, I can see it in your eyes." I argue, opening the car door for him.

"Well, it is our first date, and you got me flowers..." He admits, trailing off.

"I'm excited, too." I grin, pulling out of the driveway.

It takes about 20 minutes to get actually get to the beach, but we keep ourselves occupied by jamming out to the radio, which surprisingly plays "Where We Land" 3 times.

When we arrive, I hurriedly get out to open the door for Zayn, although he already has so I just take his hand in my own and walk down the beach to the carnival. We stop to buy tickets which Zayn requests to pay for but I win. He huffs in frustration and to be wuite honest, that was way hotter than it should have been.

 

"What do you want to do first?" I ask, rubbing my thumb over his knuckles.

"Umm... the Ferris wheel?" Zayn proposes.

"Hmm... don't you want to go when it's lit up in the dark?" I ask.

"Well why can't we go twice? We can start and end with it." He points out.

"Alright, Zaynie." I sigh and head over to the Ferris wheel.

I give the man running the wheel two tickets and we climbed in.

"Keep your eyes open for anything fun to do, Z, you can see the whole carnival from the top." I remind him.

"Just snuggle me, Liam." He nuzzles my neck.

It's a gorgeous view overlooking the ocean and the rest of the carnival, I'm glad we chose to do this first.

"Do you see anything fun you want to do?" I ask, looking around the carnival.

"Yeah, I do." He says and I can hear his smirk. I turn to face him and see him staring intently at me. Oh.

After the Ferris wheel we explore the rest of the carnival and of course I win him a teddy bear from a ball toss game. Zayn named it Olaf and insists that he's lonely and missed his friends from the booth so I had to keep playing until I had enough plush animals to satisfy Zayn and Olaf both. In the end we only got two, but Zayn says that it's perfect because it means we both have one. Mine is a Giraffe named Grey, don't ask me why, I haven't a clue.

We played various carnival games and ate various foods untill it got pretty dark. Before we went back on the Ferris wheel I made sure Zayn had gotten his fair share of snowcones and cotten candy and only until he had confirmed he was all sugared-out did we get back on the wheel.

The carnival was something else at night. All the games had lights strung across them and the water shimmered and dazzled. I put my arm around him and he laced his fingers in mine, leaning into my body.

"This is so beautiful." I sigh.

"I wish we could stay up here forever." He agrees. "Don't you?"

"Nah, I'd get to hungry." I chuckle.

"Well I have something you can eat," he smirked and I feel a twitch in my pants.

"Hey, that's not fair, don't tease me while I'm stuck up here!" I whine, squirming in my seat.

"Who says I'm teasing?" He bites his lip and palms be through my jeans. I moan, annoyed that he has this control over me. Instead of taking it like a man, I start sucking on his neck until he rolls his head back, leaving even more room for me to taste him. "Huh-ome." He moans.

"Hmm?" my lips vibrate against his neck and his hand stops palming me from pleasure.

"Home." He growls.

I pull away from his neck after pepepering soft kisses all over. "Sorry, we're stuck up here for another minute or so." I laugh as he taps his leg in frustration. His face is red and I know he has a growing hard on.

Zayn stamina has increased a bit and so has mine, but it doesn't matter, either way he's really good in bed and I know it'll only get better with practice.

The drive home is hell. We nearly pull over multiple times just so we don't have to wait to get our hands on each other. But I don't keep lube in the car and I know he wants more than a hand job or blow job. He wants it all, so that's what 'll give him.

When we finally make it to his house, I'm grinding into him against the wall and stumbling to get to his bedroom. Finally he gets so annoyed that he just lifts me up, wraps my legs around his waist and carries me to the bedroom. I get pretty confused because I didn't know he was that strong, and I guess I thought I would be the one to do any carrying around her... But oddly enough, I have no problem at all that he did it. It made me feel... Worth anything. I'm not light. I have a ton of muscle on me and his breath hitched when he lifted me, but he managed because he needs me.

He throws me on the bed and pounces on top of me. I love seeing him this way. I know he's had a semi for a good 30 minutes now, but this is... beautiful. He's plastering my body with kisses and quicky pulls my clothes off. Stripping me completely naked before getting to his. He practically tears them off his body and I'm worried he's ripped his shirt for a second but then he's back on top of me and I don't give a fuck.

Our chests are bumping as he bucks his hips into mine, mine join him in response with a loud moan from my lips. "Uh-uh-uh Za-Zayn," I groan with every touch. I'm getting frustrated from the short spurts of friction and I flip us over so I'm straddling him. I run my hands down his pecs and take his dick in my hand. I scoot down his legs and blow cold breezes on it as I stroke it.

"Uuugh" He cries in sort of a tortured moan, making me smirk.

I wrap my mouth around his member and hollow out my cheeks, watching his eyes roll back in his head. I know he loves watching, but sometimes it's hard to stay focused. While I'm sucking him, I lube my finger up and press it in his hole. He instantly clenches but then relaxes under my touch. I get my whole finger in and fuck him a bit before adding another. Soon I have three fingers in him and he's making the dirtiest noises which go straight to my cock, I rub up agaisnt his leg to get some sort of friction.

"L-Liam! I-I'm gonna-"

I instantly pull off and pull out my fingers and his groans of protest sound like a frustrated sob but I know he wants me to fuck him.

"I'm sorry baby." I offer but he rejects it.

"I don't give a fuck just get in me." He growls, throwing the bottle of lube at me, well it was more of a toss, but a hard one.

I lube up my hard cock and line it up with his entrance. I slowly press in and he barely has to adjust before he's telling me to fuck him.

I lower myself so I'm hovering close to his chest and he wraps his arms around me, his nails digging into my back. There's something really sexy about the way he's holding me and I want more of it. I just feel so safe in his arms as I thrust into him. I suck in his neck and his nails drag down my back. I'm not sure how it's possible but my dick manages to get the message and I moan with pleasure.

"Harder." I huff while thrusting into him.

"Harder what? You're fucking me? Do you want me to clench for god sakes?" He cries out in complete pleasure.

"Scratches." I manage to get out through my heavy breathing.

"You like the scratches?" He asks, shock and arousal in his eyes.

"I fucking love, harder, more." I beg.

He drags his nails across the muscles of my back and down toward my butt and I'm getting closer.

I'm sucking his neck and stoking his cock while holding myself up and thrusting and his hips are jerking up into my hand and his beautiful fingers leave trails of cold, tingling fire along my back.

"M'close." He moans and I flick my wrist to finish him. He's quickly coming all over our chests and his hole tightens around, destroying any hope I had of lasting. I come inside him and collapse on top of him, not even bothering to remove myself from inside him just yet. I want to still feel that close to him, is that weird? Nah. It's normal to want your dick in your boyfriend's arse.

"So much for a goodnight kiss." I sigh, reluctantly pulling out of him and wiping off with the Kleenexes on the side table, tossing the dirty wad in the trash so I don't have to get up. Zayn turns me around in his arms and lifts my chin so my eyes meet his.

"I had a great time tonight, Liam. We should do it again sometime." He smiles before leaning in and placing a single, gentle kiss upon my lips. "Good night." He whispers as he pulls away.

"Goodnight." I whisper back, burying into his embrace before turning around and falling asleep with his arm wrapped around me and our legs tangled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SEQUEL TO COME!
> 
>  
> 
> iMessage: Ellace14@gmail.com (I'm not 14, I made the account when I was 14  
> Twitter: @1Derstanding, co-owning @TwinksLarry  
> Snapchat: EllaceVirginia  
> Kik: 1Derstanding  
> Ask.fm: http://ask.fm/OneDerstanding
> 
> Please contact me I'm lonely, I'll treat you like royalty please


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